.::Elmo 'n' Angel::.

I love you

2008-08-03T10:13:00.005+08:00

In the last couple of hours I realised that it takes more than just words to show some one how much you actually love them. I realised that it takes 100% courage to step up and do what is needed to save that person's love for you. In many cases I had wished that moment of truth came later, much more later.

I have in the last two months been trying to better myself. Better myself so that I could once again maybe ask for a chance to make things right. I was given that chance and suddenly so many things happened just because of a name that showed up on phone last night. My dearest Angel, I know now what you fear most is not what she could have done or what she did but the fact that it was her name that hurt us before. I have done what I had to do and that was to choose. And i choose you. I choose to be a part of you and your life.

There are times where some times we forget who we are. I forgot who i was to you in your life Angel. There are times where i regret making the wrong decisions and accepting the end result when it happens. I know i have done wrong my baby.. i know i have make a lot of mistakes in our relationship. I know that when i should have listened i didn't. This old andrew has grown up, mature, a better person. That same person you loved darling.

I have stopped telling lies to my baby. I have been for the past couple of months and i have been sincere with baby. I know it happened the way it happened but it was not what you thought. I have been trying to explain to you ever since you drove off. THERE IS NO ONE ELSE MORE IMPORTANT. Yes i couldn't do it in front of you again but that was because I had already talked to her and explained to her what was going on and what i had to do and she is the one who is encouraging me to get back to you. Cos the andrew that everyone knows is not the same Andrew sitting here today with a broken heart and sad life with angel. What happened just happened and i couldnt stop it from happening but you were getting upset because of? I was trying to tell you what had happened earlier in the day and it was the truth.

Looking back in time, we've made really great memories angel. So much that it is very hard to forget what we've gone through together in the last 4 years. We've both matured and grown up in our own ways. I was unfortunately the slower one. People always told me that I deserved a girl who was a bit more mature, one that can match my attitude and character. They were wrong. You were always my perfect match and looking at the years we've been together and the pictures we've taken proves it. I know our relationship has been a tough one by far. Our differences and thoughts but we've survived 4 years together and I hope that there would be more years to come. Forever and ever babe.

There's a video clip just at the start of this. I don't know if you remember this but it was during our exams and both of us was studying in your car. Well at least you were studying where as myself i was busy with the camera taking pictures of you and capturing a video of you. In our relationship we've both watched each other grow up and changed over time. I wouldn't that up for anything darling. Not for anyone for the matter. I am here now baby... begging you. Loving you more than ever. I realised in the last two months away from each other that I was not complete. My better half and soul was not with me. The first few weeks was tough on me especially during weekends where I would usually be with you. I cried for days wishing that this was merely a dream. And when i woke up you would be there next to me with your silly grin that you have and kiss me gently on my forehead where you would tell me that it was all a dream and that I had nothing to be afraid of. But i never woke up from that dream.

I dedicated a song to you some time ago... You were always on my mind sung by Michael Buble. That song really woke me up baby and until now it holds a powerful meaning to me.

Artist: Elvis Prestley
Title: You were always on my mind

Maybe I didnt treat you
Quite as good as I should have
Maybe I didnt love you
Quite as often as I could have
Little things I should have said and done
I just never took the time

You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind

Tell me, tell me that your sweet love hasnt died
Give me, give me one more chance
To keep you satisfied, satisfied

Maybe I didnt hold you
All those lonely, lonely times
And I guess I never told you
Im so happy that youre mine
If I make you feel second best
Girl, Im sorry I was blind

You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind

Tell me, tell me that your sweet love hasnt died
Give me, give me one more chance
To keep you satisfied, satisfied

Little things I should have said and done
I just never took the time
You were always on my mind
You are always on my mind
You are always on my mind

------------------------

I have always listened to the song as if it was any other love song. You and i both agree that the power of song is the most powerful thing when used at the right time. In my years growing up i've always known this song but never understood what it really meant until we were apart. When ever I was sad and miss you a lot I would always listen to the song. To remind me of the wrong things I've done and the things i should have done when you needed me. For that i am really sorry baby. You were always on my mind, every day of my waking life you were always on my mind.

I have been putting together this video montage for you baby... its our history and life... i hope you like it. I hope we can talk soon darling. Cos we really need to talk...

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

some thing interesting

2006-10-11T15:42:00.000+08:00

Your Love Style is Agape

You are a caring, kind, and selfless partner.
Unsurprisingly, your love style is the most rare.
You are willing to sacrfice your world for your sweetie.
Except it doesn't really feel like sacrifice to you.
For you, nothing feels better than giving to the one you love.

What's Your Love Style?

Your Bumper Sticker Should Be

Livin' in a van - down by the river

What Bumper Sticker Should Be On Your Car?

welcome to my world

2006-05-16T12:15:00.000+08:00

I am not even going to start wondering why i've not been updating this blog. Sure i had plenty of time for it but i never got around to doing so. 1 word lazy. But here is a quick update anyways since i have so much time to spare now. Its MORE like waiting for 1pm so we can head out for lunch. Oh yeah this lazy bum is finally working now, Inter-Global Media (M) Sdn Bhd, as their web developer. The only web developer ;) Finally a job which pays me for doing what i do best.. programming. Its my third week in and i'm already involved with a couple of projects. But unlike my days back in APIIT where every thing that can be done last minute GETS done last minute, here its no longer ther little league. Had to force myself to get organized and for once follow the project time line. Maybe will put up a portfolio later on of some of the websites i've built from scratch in a whole new language which i was never thought back in APIIT... PHP. Heck its only one more additional language for me to learn no biggie. But i have to say this.. its way more power compared to ASP. I said compared to ASP not ASP.NET.

I just took a few pictures on my phone of some of the people i work with. Here they are... in no particular order..

Boon... editor for our community website IA-Community. Wanted to snap a picture of him looking busy but he was paying more attention to what i was doing. lolz. In the background is Michelle our assistant gm to our gm. Oh the picture is a little blur i think. I had to zoom in to take that picture.

Zairol & Wan... two of the many graphic designers working here. Unfortunately Ogee and the other girl is not around so can't snap a pic ;) Working hard huh boys... or is it porn ;)

My very empty office.. i don't normally sit where i took this picture. this is from ogee's table. if you look in the pic in the background to the right where there is a stack of things on the table. that forsaken area with 4tables is my place. its been as of late a place for them to temporarily put their next exhibition forms, printers and stuff. There used to be a table against the wall behind me where all the junk used to sit. Then the sales team moved into the office above and they took tables from out office leaving me with a huge empty space behind me. not to mention the mosquito's... see the brown down to the very back.. that's the kitchen and for some reason its a breeding ground for mosquito's...

well its 5 to 1pm.. almost time to go makan. catch up with this later on...

hello

2006-03-01T02:33:00.000+08:00

wow it seems like eons since i checked back here. yes yes been busy with life and catching up with two months of lost time with angel. been back in brunei for 2mths. yes that's how long i've been away from angel. this blog won't be a long one or of any topic.. just an off random aka i am bored post. but now that i am back a lot of things to catch up on especially with the jobs. need to pick up a few more free lance projects. hehe.. any takers ;) other than that just staying alive. long story. will make the effort in the morning to snap a quick picture of things which i recently been graced with. oh planning to start a MOBLOG soon. still figuring out the best place to store the pics then post them here... would be interesting and a first for me. will see how long before i attempt this project. hahaha.. yeah lazy. oh well..

before i forget a special Good Luck to a fellow blogger and friend, Tabbie. If you're in Singapore (or you're from SG.) this weekend 4th March drop by to the NTUCO Concert @ 7.30pm, Singapore Conference Hall. Tabbie would be performing that night.

its now 10 to 3am.. i guess i should hit the sack... like i said its a short post. honestly lazy to speak my mind at the moment. have a read over at tabbie's, her blog is rather interesting filled with an insight to how she lives her life and her daily rants about stuff. cheers...

wats wrong wif me?

2006-01-23T02:25:00.000+08:00

i really messed up big time... since our pack for 2006 we've not had any arguements of sort. i wouldn't call tonite an arguement but its bad enough. again when angel needed me to be all that i can be i failed and let her down again. i know i might sound like a girl for saying this but its really unfair that this is happening right now. i should have taken more responsibility with my own actions and i didnt step up. one side of me wants to blame the fact that i am back here in brunei for the holidays while the other blames myself for not being back in kl, by angel's side working on the task while she slept. like we always did in previous projects together. to make matters worse.. of all nights for me to feel blue and depressed none of my close friends are on to chat wif me. sorry jas if i did wake you up and leaving the messages on msn. i didn't know who else to talk to...

angel has asked me several times about my own future and what i wanted to do with myself in my life. there were several times last year we had stupid arguements about this. here i am a 25yr old guy who is scared shit about living the life that i wanted for myself. i mean yes i want a successful carrer and a loving family but it took me so long to realise that maybe i was a little scared. sure angel kicked the living shit out of me that night and it really hit me that same nite. actually it was a couple of nites after. i do know what i want in life but i am scared of dreaming it because everytime i do some thing is bound to happen and pushes me further back. i am until today still scared of my past and of it happening in my current life. it is a plague that i have to live wif maybe till after i graduate or for the rest of my life. a plague where its a constant reminder of the stupid things i did in the past. things which i shouldn't have allowed to happen which casted me out of the family circle. if you think your life is bad wait till you step into my shoes and into my memories. the things i've kept secret, the pain i've suffered.... the thoughts and reliving each moment hurts enough.

but for tonite.. i really don't know where to even start to say sorry to angel. this is the 4th or 5th time i've let her down on the same topic. it came up to the point where she said some things which really hurt. i know it was my fault and i am guilty of letting it happen. i failed her the first time when she needed me to make things right, i failed her the second time when it was a chance given... i cost her the finals.... and now i am giving her a heartattack for not, yet again, being able to complete it on time again. but tonite was really my sour luck... first all my work was not saved cos pops turned off the pc and didn't save my work... resulting to me having to re do every thing again.. then my two stupid dogs outside decided to turn adventurer and decided to escape, and it took us almost an hour to get them home again... then angel was starting to get impatient with me and really let me have it and the pressure was on yet again. i don't even know why i bothered to re do the whole thing.. maybe she was right could have settled for second best but i couldn't risk it... and in the end i affected her as well... who in the right world would cause this much problem to the girlfriend especially since she's done so much for me and given me the chance to work it at my own pace provided i get it done... i failed her... i lost her trust....

i am sorry angel i truely am... i only wished that u would believe me that i am getting just as much pressure from my parents and just being at home. i am on the loosing end here... for the first time in a long time my chest pains are starting up again... i found out that when ever i am like super sad or blue it starts.... its like a sign tat my heart is aching... i do have a heavy heart right now... a heart full of guilt....

Link updates

2005-11-28T15:38:00.000+08:00

I was just browsing through the links and realised that the WWE tribute videos has been moved to the archive already. Here are the updated links

WWE 1 2 3

Better yet here is a search for in the archive for all the tribute videos. Slowly go through them.

Its good to be back!!!

2005-11-28T14:50:00.000+08:00

Wow its been ages since i posted a decent update. Wondering what the screaming was about in the previous post. Hehe... just keep guessing. It was a random post anyways so it has no relations to anything with my life or angel. Well i've been MIA for almost 2 weeks i think. Not that i was ever gone but rather busy with projects. It was like FYP all over again staying up late to help them finish up their documentation and work the necessary changes into the system so it meets their accademic requirements. Really am glad that both of them were impressed with their system. Here are a two screen shots each of the systems i did for them.

Roman Rock: {project status 100%}

On top main page of the website below it a sample when you log into the company intranet.

Tesco Smart Trolley (simulation): {project status 100%}

On top the system loging and below it the help page of the system.

To get a better picture of what the Smart Trolley is, picture yourself at Tesco hypermarket and you're pushing around a trolley with a small monitor mounted onto the push handle. Its meant to asist you while shopping with and not have you running around looking for price checkers or wondering how much you've spent in the trolley already. I've never seen such systems implemented in Malaysia. I could be wrong though, anyone seen it before? I know in Canada they have a RFID scanner on all their products so when you remove an item from the shelf camera's around will snap a picture of you then again when you check out. Its more of a anti theft device but never of such like the smart trolley. Who knows when i have the time i might actually take the time to develop such system and join the APICTA awards then get a grant to do a prototype then see it working in reality. WOW! hehe... At least i plan to.

Both projects fully CSS customized. If you really have a nack for design and colours CSS style sheets are like your best friends.

If only both of them were in our batch and in DWA class with us. Imagine what we can come up with as a team.

Well have not had much of a chance to browse the internet let alone watch tv so there isn't any new interesting stuff at the moment. Slowly adjusting back to the normal sleeping hours which isn't all that much sleep either. Will come back again later to post up things. Still have the last project to work on. Since i'm on a high designing graphics for websites thought i'd try my hand in workin a template for this blog later on.

Kudos to the people who dropped by.

cheers...

????????

2005-11-24T02:29:00.000+08:00

I JUST HATE THE WAY YOU TALK TO ME SOME TIMES!!! I"M NOT STUPID YOU KNOW! JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE LOOKING DOESN"T MEAN YOU HAVE TO SEND IN TO EVERY TOM DICK AND HARRY!!! DONT TALK TO ME AS IF I"M STUPID!!! SO GERAM YOU KNOW!

mentally tired

2005-11-17T03:37:00.000+08:00

just wanted to post a quick one before i wrap up the night. its been 1 week (plus a couple of days i think) straight working till 5.30 in the morning then sleeping for about 4hrs then getting up and repeating the cycle all over again. Officially i am brain dead working on instincts only.

here is something interesting that i found on the internet when i googled for images to use for the tesco project. the resolution is terrible but you can just make out the writing. its a singaporean police report which was hillarious to read. When i find the original source of this picture *who posted it* i will link it here.

also came across a couple of interesting blogs which i know its worth mentioning here. I've spent some time reading them and the open thoughts especially coming from singaporeans. i saved the urls but my bookmarks is in a mess right now. have been saving all sorts of links on firefox and its so long that you have to use the arrow to scroll up the list just to click on the "bookmark this" link.

and you thought i was joking when i had to scroll up just to hit the bookmark link. you also probably notice the heading on my firefox browser... i was reading up at this other blog (again singaporean for i have no idea why most of the search results came back from singapore) about singapore being used as a sex-hub. that doesn't mean i look down on my friends over there. i do have wonderful friends who live a normal life. then again what is a normal life?

Update!
Angel received the second call back from game flier yesterday morning! Congratulations! her training starts this friday for 2 days. Then its entirely up to her if she wants to stick this job. As for me i found an add in the papers that caught my attention. its to work with e-Genting group. Sending in my resume soon once i get it done. have been putting it off.

Project Status:
Roman Rock 98%
Tesco Smart Trolley 70% (user requirements changed)
now what did i call the last project?? 85%

Brain Status:
Clocking at 100% used

Death of a wrestling superstar

2005-11-16T02:12:00.000+08:00

I am and have always been a great fan of WWE Wrestling. If you're an old timer like me you would have grown up watching wrestling on tv. Tv3 has been showing WWE and Smackdown for years now. Then on Astro Supersport CH80 every Tuesday at 10pm. Can't say i've watch much of Smackdown but enough of it to make Eddie Guerrero my favourite wrestler from Smackdown. I didn't catch yesterday's RAW so i only just heard of this news when my brother came online and his msn nick read "Eddie Guerrero 1967-2005 (R.I.P)". At first i thought it was a joke so i googled it and true enough this WWE Smackdown superstar has passed away last Sunday, November 14. To my understanding this weeks show was a tribute show to Eddie. You can read a sypnosis of this episode at the end of the post.

After John Cena's match he paid tribute to Eddie, taking off his Eddie Guerrero t-shirt and placed it on the mat with his championship belt on top of it. His way of saying "You're always a champion".

News:
1. Pittsburgh Tribune
2. Forbes
3. MSNBC
4. Yahoo! News

Wrestling:
1. WWE website
2. Sypnosis of Raw 13/11/2005
3. TNA Mourns The Passing Of Eddie Guerrero
4. WWE Updated

Eddie's Guerrero:
1. Carrer
2. Pictures
3. WWE Tribute Pictures

Tribute Video's:
1. WWE 1 2

My condolences to the Guerrero family.

Zouk Abuse

2005-11-15T01:13:00.000+08:00

was just browsing around when a particular blog caught my attention. Zouk.Abuse by ju-lee which documents the recent turn of events that happened on halloween night over at zouk. I was not there when it happened and only just found the blog. I've only read half way down the page and decided to post it up here first before i forget about it. Its sad to hear such things happening and no one lifted a hand to help. Typical! yeah go shoot me or sue me but its the honest truth. Sure there are others who are of good heart and faith but rare to see. Picture yourself on the road and its crawl then you later find out that it was a car accident that everyone is just KEPO want to see and not move along to allow the authorities to get to the scene on time. Then comes the usual comments would come on the police was slow to arrive and the ambulance. We should actually train those tow truck dudes and their coolies first aid. I swear one accident that there would be around 5 of them first on the scene.

I am only a person and there isn't much i can contribute to help you guys out except publish your blog here as well. I hope justice will be served and punishment be brought upon the guilty ones. I totally support what you are trying to do over at your blog and the hell with the people with the unconstructive criticism. malaysians will be malaysians.

RO?

2005-11-14T19:09:00.000+08:00

took angel to her interview today and man the place is not called HeiTech for no reason. Every where you go in the building u had to scan your id just to get into doors. Amazing. Strange but amazing. So there we were waiting in the reception? lobby? of game flier at 9.45am and one of the staff went in to call another staff who was looking after the interviews. We took a seat and waited for about 10 minutes before a lady came out and took angel to this room to fill in all the necessary paper work and then told her to wait for the person interviewing her. So we waited again for quite some time. It was almost half an hour i think before he came out. I thought to myself... FINALLY! hahaha... As i was sitting there in the lobby waiting i couldn't help but notice that most of the staff at game flier hq was females. Not that there is anything wrong but i counted more females over males at this place. Wow! not a bad place to work i reckon. but again the hours are nuts. According to angel listed on the paper were 3 selections to choose from if they were asked to work for them. as per trial they all would have to start 8-30am to 5-30pm shifts to which after 2mths they will be shifted to the other shift of 4-00pm to 1-00am. I WAS LIKE WHOA!!! what happened to the 1pm to 10pm? it was reserved for those who had transportation problems. hahaha... but it being next to summit... this place is FOREVER JAMMED!

ok time to hit the showers. post back here in a bit.

ahem ahem

2005-11-14T02:43:00.000+08:00

yeah yeah i know i was suppose to post the other night but i was kinda busy. for some reason that night after getting work done i was not in for the rest of the evening and only got back at 11.30pm and was super too tired to do anything. Didn't even touch the projects even. Its now 2.43am and i figured i should drop in before i head off to bed.

news flash!
Angel was shortlisted for an interview over at Game Flier (for some reason it doesn't load in firefox properly). The people who brought Ragnarok Online to Malaysia which now supports English and Bahasa Malaysia. Her interview is in the morning at 10am over at their HQ in UEP Subang Jaya. Wishing her LUCK although i'm going with her. hehe. Really happy for her and i really do hope she lands the job. I love Game Flier's motto for the job: "Play while you work, play while you play". Now who wouldn't want to work at a place like this and get to play the game the whole day! The working hours are stiff though.

Morning Shift: 8.30an to 5.30pm
Afternoon Shift: 1.00pm to 10.00pm

With working hours like that i will never get to spend any time with Angel. Haha! But i really do hope she get's the second call back. She's been looking for a job like this for some time now and she got the call asking her to come for the interview the day after she applied.

Have you guys heard of MMORPGs? I know i haven't until earlier when i helped Angel prepare for her interview and googled it. It stands for Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Games. If you're saying, yeah i know what that means... i've been playing CS and Unreal Tournament long enough to know it. WRONG! Even CS and Unreal doesn't even come close to MMORPGs due to the limitation of players per server. Imagine playing a game where there are literally thousands of people connected and playing at the same time. Imagine playing CS with this many people. Each round would never end! Even Ammo purchased wouldn't be enough to kill everyone. Would be cool for Unreal but i would be bored silly. Never the less cool.

Oh was browsing friendster last week over at a friends profile. Then i saw this dude's name which was so familiar that i thought i'd check it out. Funny thing was the dude that i didn't quite recognise the user pic so kinda just left it and never investigated further. A day later i get a message from him and guess what it was the right person after all. Quote "Andrew Jee! I remember you... saw u peeking at my profile". My response to the message was... "Damn i forgot to turn off the anonymous setting." hahaha... this guy was a senior of mine back in St. Andrew's but we were never really close nor do i remember who introduced us but he was always there with the gang (us councilors). But yeah thru him i managed to find the ex SAS seniors that i know. Even my cousin Sern Hung was on friendster. Honestly i forgot even existed! Shhh don't tell him that. Ahh the sweet memories of SAS came rushing back in.

Can't remember if i mentioned that lycos mail has been a bitch for me to load and get into the past couple of weeks. Its working fine now but sooner or later its going to act up again. Contact them and they were not aware of such problem and their solution was to clear my browser cache and try again. I knew they were going to say that yet i wrote in asking them. So yeah when i finally got in Monday morning, i received a forward mail from a friend of mine and the mail was the usual about friendship then one of the pictures caught my attention.

I suppose the chinese characters means exactly what the english words. I can't read chinese but understand it. Banana would be the correct term. Yellow skin on the outside like a chinese but white on the inside like an ang mo (european). What caught my attention was the butterfly and its contrast of colours to the black background. Going to edit the pic later and remove the words and number from it.

Speaking of forwards here's some thing interesting...

Count every " F" in the following text:

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI
FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...

Highlight between the arrows
-> You've probably counted 3 rite? WRONG!! Read again there is actually 6. Reason being that our brain does not process OF. Don't ask me why. Yeah don't go kid urself and say you did count 6. I asked a few people in the house and they all counted 3. Some might count 4 but that is very rare. <-

If you were to read it for the third time or again later it won't work anymore as your brain has already registered that there is 6 F's as the answer. Well its been an hour since i start this post. I reckon its time to head off to bed. Sorry don't have any interesting links and stuff tonite... umm morning. Was out the whole day. Woke up -> breakfast -> Summit -> Dinner -> Movie (9pm) came home 11.45pm. Like i said i didn't touch a single code today. have to make up for it in the morning.

Ps. Dragon Squad is worth the watch. Although some scenes were a bit silly but its a awesome movie. Waiting to book tickets for Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire. I've read all the books including the latest one. Last two were E-books that i freeloaded from the internet. Going to get the original Paper Backs soon. Planning to order them from Amazon.

Dragon Squad
1. Official Website
2. Sypnosis 1 2
3. Trailer
4. Review by Sina English

Current Project Status:
Roman Rock 95%
Tesco Smart Trolley 80%
Online car parts system 80%

Currently listening to:
umm none cos everyone in the room is asleep

Time Out!

2005-11-12T14:34:00.000+08:00

Was reading thru Kah Soon's blog last night and came across one of his post for this dude that does street magic. Japanese-American magician, 'Cyril Takayama' does really out of this world magic. You might have seen some of his clips posted on various video forums, chats, putfile.com. Yeah you guys should really check out all these places during your free time. The things people find on the internet are just hillarious and entertaining. Of course at other people's expense. I was lucky to find a couple of his clips on the internet. Working to try to get more so if you have some of his magic trick clips mail me the links over to andrewjee81[at]gmail[dot]com.

When i was googling (googling... sounds obscene) i found this website called Drunken Cat "College Life. College Fun". Its a self run blog similar to Kah Soon's where you can sit back, hang out and read thru his posts and also watch/view/read his collection of weird and interesting items off the internet. Highly recommended if you have a fast connection if you want to watch the clips.

Oh came across this girl called Lian Ying Zhang who took part in the China Pop Idol. Her voice...Her voice is simply just amazing. I found video clips of her singing over at Drunken Cat and this personal blog of Alec Tang.

China Pop Idol ~ Lian Ying Zhang:
1. Loving you (can't remember the title of the song so correct me if wrong)
2. Don't cry for me argentina

Cyril's Magic:
1. Water Regeneration
2. Shadow Magic
3. Coin and Salt shaker
4. Playing Card thru glass underwater
5. Disappearing Act (into a briefcase)
6. Hungry Anyone? (Hamburger Trick)
7. Street Magic as old man

Since we're on the topic of magic here is a card trick for ya
1. Card Trick

Interesting clips i came across when browsing Drunken Cat:
1. Skills of a Bartender Girl
2. Hip Hop Yoda
3. Hot Korean Girl (no idea what its for)
4. How to pick a laptop lock

Current Project status:
Roman Rock @ 95%
Tesco Smart Trolley @ 80%

Currently Listening to:
李玖哲 - 洗牌 (over and over and over)

More to come later tonite!

Cheers... peace out!

thinking games....

2005-11-11T14:51:00.000+08:00

angel came across a lot of interesting games posted on her multiply blog area and we were just having a blast playing a couple of the games there. Then she came across this game called Submachine : Extended Version from the original Submachine. Creator of this game Mateusz J. Skutnik and he sure got me and angel blown away. It was not as easy as it looked. If you've played Crimson and Veridian's Room you would appreciate this one as well. Its not as creepy as it looks but definately a challenge for the mind. Just right after i completed it i googled the game and yeah there are walk thrus for this game. Will post those later towards the end of the post. When googling i came across an interesting game over at Mofuya called 'Swan's Room'. Man this room was not easy and i had to search for a walk thru to get me thru. The part where you have to defuse a bomb, it took me 3 tries to get it right. Yeah first time i've seen a bomb in these games.

Another one that Angel found is by Maggie over at the Maggie Market. This talented lady from Hong Kong came out with original and superb games to pass time. Took an hour off to play some of the games and its addictive. Once you get into it and post your own scores you just wonder how on earth other people managed to get a higher one on the simplest of games. Trust me i was working hard trying to get my name on the list. Angel managed to do it on the 'Kill Time In Office' game but she clicked too fast and submitted her name as Undefined. She's currently 3rd i think.

Here's another interesting flash that i came across over at kahsoon.com that is constantly updated but this local dude. Head over to Addictive Games and what you find there will blow you away. This is where i found the walk thru for Submachine Ex Version and Swan's Room. When you're done checking out the Addictive Games category head over to the main blog itself and you will laugh and find yourself spending hours just browsing thru this dude's blog. He collects a lot of interesting items from all over the internet and posts them there. One particular post i came across on his blog was 'The House' and the bloody flash video scared the living shit out of me. Just the intro itself before you enter the house it was scary enough to not want to go on. I dare you to watch it in the wee hours of the morning with the lights off and just wearing headsets. Kah Soon's haunted category is a must read.

Interesting ghost stories from Kahsoon.com
1. Genting True Story: The Old Man
2. Saw Ghost at Genting on Recharge Zouk Fest 2005
3. Another Genting True Ghost Story
4. A haunted marriage

How true is each occurances is not sure but its really up to you to believe what you read. There are many more stories related to Genting and i've heard a few myself especially one from the apartments half way up to Genting.

The Rooms:
1. Submachine : Extended Version (Walk Thru)
2. Swan's Room (Walk Thru)
3. Quaint Room (Walk Thru 1 further down the comments 2)
4. Crimson Room (Walk Thru)
5. Veridian's Room (Walk Thru)
6. Dona's Room by Naoki Nakashima (Walk thru 1 2)

Note: Dona's Room is a tough one to solve. As per date and what i've read on forums and sites only a handful *those that can read japanese* has solved the room.

Maggie Market:
1. Kill time in the office
2. Facial House
3. Dai Pai Dong
4. HK Cafe
5. Mag's Bakery
6. Shoot me baby (a little boring)
7. Sushi

The Scary Shit (Not games):
1. The House
2. Special Defects

Interesting flash:
1. Tour of The Simpson's home (Really interesting!)

That's it for now. As i come across more games or interesting flash stuff i will post them here. Will create a post just for all the interesting flash and Room games that i find on the internet. This post took 5hrs to complete. A couple of hours playing the games while writing then an hour plus to pop out with angel for a quick evening tea over at Bee's Cake House then home for dinner. Determined to complete Swan's room tonite. Hope you've enjoyed this post!

officially unemployed and bored

2005-10-12T01:41:00.000+08:00

not too long ago we completed our honours degree and since then i've been bumming around working on robot projects, gift boxes and programming projects. i do miss the times when i was still travelling each day to college to be educated (yeah right!) and it was those times that i hated most and wished college would end. now the thought of actually going out there and working lurks at the back of my mind. already some of my classmates have started working. what am i going to do with myself? that is the question i ask myself every morning when i wake up. as much as i would like to get a job there is this thought that keeps me posted in reality. am i ready? did the RM19k /year education pay off? did i benefit anything? am i ready? i even asked a couple of my friends who were just recent grads what it was like to start work for them. then i have a friend in singapore whom after graduated started working for the arm's forces. each time i ask her wat she actually does she would reply "sorry drew that's classified". how cool is that to be able to use those exact words that we always hear in the movies.

i seem to be lost for words tonite. even though college is out i find myself still worrying. results aren't out yet and the moderation board is this week with a bigger team of UK experts this time around. you know what i am afraid of most right now... not being able to see angel as often as i want to. yeah we live in the same state let alone in the same country. i am worried for angel as well. a few days back we were browsing jobstreet.com (is there a .my at the end?) and she was telling me that she didn't want to start a job that was related to IT or computing. she didn't want to only because she felt that she isn't that good in the field. she actually is just that she has not had the chance to shine yet. some times i feel like a huge jerk for pushing her to try. i wished i could do more for her but i can't be there all the time even though i want to. i want her to be independant. come to think of it right... *20 minutes to be exact!* this is the exact same feeling that i had when my brother first came over to KL to stay with me and study over here. My bro has always been the manja one in the family as he's the youngest and being the big bro and him like the best friend i never had it really worried me when he first went off to college on his own without me to show him the way to college. that was back when i rented a room in pj. every day when he came home late or at least before i did i would worry. what i was more afraid of was people making fun of him. maybe its brotherly love that i was protective of him. i guess for angel its almost similar. as much as i want her to be independant i am afraid that people will bully her as she is rather quiet at time and scared of facing people some times. we were having lunch one day after one of our presentations and we ran a flat. after it was changed i asked her what she would have done if i was not there and she had to do it herself, her reply was in a cute manner "i would cry! but i don't have to worry, i always have you by my side to look after me" Angel if you're reading this... ahem forgive me for twisting the story a little. hehe.. sounds nicer this way you know :)

haiz.. oh was reading this blog called precious illusion and the author is from thailand i presume *sue me i've not checked her profile* and on one of her posts she posted a link to this mp3 called Noo Goo Do by J. korean song and she is indeed right it is a very nice song and i've not stopped repeating the song since. have to find a translation of the song to find out what it means.

road trip!

2005-09-30T01:47:00.000+08:00

angel's parents invited me to go on a road trip down to JB tuesday evening... it was a last minute thing as uncle was going down on a business trip and auntie wanted to go as well, so angel and i being the only ones at home who were FREE of every thing went as well. IT WAS FUN!! unfortunately we didn't have the camera *its now in china wif angel's elder sis* so there was no pics taken but it was FUN. well sorry if you don't share my interest but that was my first time driving down to JB and i had fun even though we were in the car for 3 1/2 hours. my ass litterally fell asleep. not used to sitting in a car for that long and as a passenger too! hehe. angel and i slept most of the way up and entertained ourselves on the way back. must plan another road trip down again and this time for a longer time so can explore the place. more on the road trip later on... tired and lazy to type.

oh our friend over at Princess Jasmine Corner is back from their trip to melb. no fair i wan go also JAS!!! no fair!! haha.. i miss those places you went. got take the pictures of federation square for me??

QUOTE: "This behavior is by design"

2005-09-25T12:40:00.000+08:00

now my pc crashed not too long ago about a week ago just before the first exam on monday 19th and everytime i booted up it gave me an error:

STOP 0x000000ED UNMOUNTABLE_BOOT_VOLUME

now i thought i had lost every thing on my drive but that wasn't the case. it had some thing to do with my boot.ini file being messed up *i just wonder how* and when i went online to check up on this error on the microsoft help website it gave a whole lot of things to do that might repair or fix the problem. what i loved best on that particular page under status section: "This behaviour is by design". thats what it says on the help website. click the link if you dun believe me. THIS BEHAVIOR IS BY DESIGN!! what does that mean? did they intentionally keep a small little bug on the os and when the time is critical mess up the boot file then show you the blue screen with that error when u boot or upgrade. as much as i like using windows this is the weirdest thing to do for an os.

only because....

2005-09-23T01:23:00.000+08:00

was studying for my last exam paper earlier on for business process re-engineering (BPR), i came across the introduction to the stupid subject and quote "70% of the time BPR fails". now that really got me going and the first question to mind was "THEN WHY THE HECK ARE WE STUDYING IT?" Got everything read but nothing in my head as usual then later today at 2.30pm i would be crapping my heart out for the exam. Speaking of exams... man yesterdays DSAP paper was freaking crazy!! how anyone can pass that subject i have no idea. GOOD LUCK TO ALL FROM GF04B1COM/CIT/CMT.

M.I.C.K.E.Y M.O.U.S.E

a couple of days back angel's dad said that he saw a rat run into the living room. at first i thought maybe he had mistaken it for something else but true enough just yesterday morning 1.30am *mind you dsap exam was at 9.30am that same morning* angel's sister said that she saw the rat just outside the room near the toilet. not that they were freaked out.. they were rather... wats the word... Fascinated! but eventually they did shut all the room doors tight. then around 1.45... 2am the sibling went to use the toilet and guess wat she saw swimming in the toilet bowl? the mouse... or rather mice. it was a little mice swimming in the toilet bowl. my question was where was it before it fell in the bowl? did it like do a high dive off from the window into the bowl? so there it was and the whole time i couldn't help wondering if it was going to survive and what the heck do we do now. yea i took pity on the poor thing, it must have been like a few weeks old as it was just so little and struggling to get out of the water. the question was "how do we get it out?" first answer was to flush the bowl and it gets out when it reaches the septic tank. then a whole set of things came out.. a tin can to scoop it out... a platic container... then i thought of using a plastic bag, let it climb in then bring it outside. amazingly when i lowered the plastic the mice instinctively *as if it knew it was being rescued* grabbed on and climbed into the plastic. now it being so small didn't even bother to struggle while in the bag. took it outside, walked a couple of blocks up the road and let it out. at first i thought it was dead in the bag but just as i lowered the bag onto the floor it crept out and took its own sweet time to run to a nearby bush. here's a picture that i took of the little guy in the bowl...

5566 (19/09/05)

For those of you who knows 5566 (link 1 and 2)or has ever heard of them.. guess what... i took angel to their autograph session and album launch on the 19th at Klang Parade. Unfortunately they were a man short as he was busy with another project. if not mistaken he's is involved in another drama or movie. can't remember which. pictures came out a little dark as the lighting was just really bad that night. they had this yellow spot light on the stage and every picture we took came out dark because of it. there were a few good ones on another setting on the camera *i love sony cybershot camera's!* but its a little blur with them moving around so much. By the way their new album is fantastic. try get their new singlefrom the album and the MV.

removed the video. got too annoying after a while.

this point of time

2005-09-21T02:42:00.000+08:00

well exam is in the later part of the day and here i am posting on the blog. can't really do much now. a little worried about this particular exam considering that the lecturer for this subject has been slack through out the semester and reluctant to give proper tips. when i do actually start studying for this subject i question a lot of things like how its going to be on the exam. the problem is i've never studied for one of the exams by this lecturer. that being he was that predictable then and now he's being a bitch only because there has been a lot of complaints from students about his teaching methods or should i say HIM.

was just looking through the pictures on angels comp and found a pic that she took of me during our overnight last minute project completion before submission stage. i literally set up my pc on the floor with the monitor sitting on top of my toolbox that i carried around when i was building my robot. here's the picture:

i didn't even know my picture was being taken. had another picture where i was frustrated with this bit of code and was thinking with the keyboard to my head. can't seem to find it now but when i do its coming up here. it looked funny, to me at least only because i've never seen the pictures and wondered what the heck i was doin then.

oh my parents came to visit over the weekend last week. short trip as they were on their way back from Shanghai, china where my dad was on business trip. check out the earlier posts where i was talking to my dad asking him about my robot stuff. anyways it was monday (19th) morning around 2plus that i realised how much i really missed having my parents around. especially my mum whom i've not seen since chinese new year then with my grandma's death back in april... i knew how much it affected my mum but she has chosen to move on with life which is a good thing. that night when they arrived from the airport i FLEW down 10 flights of stairs and jumped the last few steps to give my mum a hug. but monday morning when i wrote in my journal i was in tears. its been a long time since anyone has stayed with me at the apartment and they were only here for a short while. spent the whole day of sunday shopping with them in the city and the whole time i had flash backs of when i was back in brunei shopping with them. the times which i took for grantted, the times which i now regret not cherishing. i only wished angel was there with us then. oh she finally met my parents formally monday morning when we went out for breakfast. surprisingly angel was a little more calm then i was when i first met her parents. but i miss them and held back tears when i waved them goodbye as the taxi was leaving. only to only crack back at the apartment when angel asked me if i was ok and why i was staring into space in my room *she had read my journal by then* then i couldn't hold back and avoided eye contact with her. when she forced me i couldn't take it and cried. *yeah grown men do cry...*

bear in mind that i had an exam that same monday afternoon at 2.30pm which i never really studied. even angel tried to share her answers with me during the exam but thanks to her small writing i couldn't make out a single word on her answer script. oh that reminds me.. the bitch who was new to apiit... made havoc for us in the exam hall with her 1hr, "you have 40mins left, if you want to leave.. blah blah blah...", "you have 10mins", "please ensure that you write down all details on the answer sheet as we will not wait for u when collecting your scripts". to think that she actually read out the exam hall rules before reading time, who are we? first time sitting for exams? best yet was after she asked us to switch off our phones and not put it on silent mode, this is to ensure that we do not bother our fellow classmates. then 30mins into the exam she starts walking around then stopping suddenly to do spot checks to see if we were cheating. it wasn't the phones bothering us.. it was HER! i swear if she is there for our exam later on i will scream.

oh here is a nice picture of angel and i at Mines taken by someone who thought she did a great job taking the picture. cheers! good night... it took me 1hr to write this. was busy checking out MELabs Forum and a couple of other blogs i came across.

nice pic aint it if you can see us....

updates

2005-09-12T03:21:00.000+08:00

wow i really owe my dad a whole lot. he stayed up till now to just help me draw the circuit properly so i can connect it without shorting anything else on my breadboard. my only prayer now is that it works. the funny thing was that he wanted to draw it on the pic of the board i took which one fine but that took almost an hour then i finally asked him what he was doin and he said drawing the whole circuit. 5 mins later he tells me he will do on paper instead, snap a pic of it then send to me, 5mins after that he tells me its done and sends me the file but it aint a paper drawing. he actually drew it on the board. asked him how come and his reply was "drawing on paper is hard without the bread board layout" hahaha... thanks dad!! so now the picture looks like this. lol! want to see mine originally? when i asked him for help this was the picture i drew below which doesn't look anything like my dad's. haha. dun play play 5 year old drawing you know. haha. i bet you even a 5yr old could draw it better. anyways so here i am updating this while my dad leaves his msn on over there in china while i continue to type and think to myself "you idiot! you have the drawing what are you doin still posting!". its amazing what my brain tells me and what i don't do. let me get the breadboard circuit done up and continue on again. Ok here is the end product of the schematic following my dad's. does it look so much nicer than mine? but i am still worried about this project. its now officially 3.45am and nothing works as yet except for my brain who isn't processing at the momment. time to call it a night first the wake up early to do this. good night all.. pray for me...

going to be a long long night

2005-09-12T01:33:00.000+08:00

this is probably the strangest thing that i've done so far. my parents are now in china where my dad is on a business trip while my mum is on a much needed holiday after my grandma's death. then here i am in malaysia talking to my dad (as i write this) on msn while he goes over my robot wiring schematics. the fact that i nearly burnt one of the crystals for the microchip which i recently found out costs a bloody RM3 a piece. i got a shock when i first heard it. actually one of them said it was RM1.50 then the other guy say "your head ah! its RM3!" so here i am talking to my dad, sending back and forth pictures of schematics and pictures of the breadboards that i connected the components to and even drew on photoshop my representation of the schematic was in my head on the breadboard. hillarious i tell you. wait here is a picture of the one i showed to my dad how the breadboard was linked internally. hehehe like i said this is the weirdest thing i've done by far. even angel said kelian my dad.. on business trip yet still have to help me do this. lol thanks dad!

wat a time for the robot to not work suddenly. if you are all wondering i am working on a robot project for my final year project. still can't figure out why sanath approved it when he said it was a risk and won't get me a pass. yet he approved my project to only tell me that i would fail as a result of selecting this topic. this was during the mid point and that was the first thing he told me when i sat down. I was like thinking in hyper drive "IF THAT IS THE CASE THEN WHY ON EARTH DID YOU APPROVE MY PSF!!" Even my new supervisor didn't understand why sanath approved it. david tan, my new supervisor, is another story at hand. last minute admin changes our supervisor because mdm rohaniah is taking maternity leave which is fine but why wait till 2weeks before submission to change supervisors. so how do the new ones help us during the presentation? of which probably won't be much of a help anyways since sanath will shoot like crazy. even kaval didn't have a chance to finish his slides without being interupted by him. which worries me as i know he will ask me once again the computing aspects of the project. until today i still do not know what the *&^&*# that means. even he can't explain it to me which makes me wonder if i had actually done a website then i automatically meet the COMPUTING ASPECTS of the project. like how? just because i am doin a website?

anyways... dad is just finishing up my diagrams for me then he's off to bed. he has a meeting at 8.30am tomolo which i told him i would be up at 7 to bother him with last minute things. hehehe. i love ya dad!

well i have to get back to working again. stil have to prepare slides which i haven't and read through again my documentation which i haven't as well. maybe will come back on to post again. nites :) oh thanks angel! i love you!!

if only we could...

2005-09-11T04:14:00.000+08:00

the past month especially the last couple of weeks has been a crazy one... MY GOODNESS ITS WORSE THAN CRAZY!!!! some times i just wonder why i ended up in APIIT... but if not for it i wouldn't have met angel.... hehehe.... but as of late.. we've been pilled with projects... first the final year project.. then bpr... then pmmt... then dwa... then dsap... in that few days of that week was NUTS! one after another... now that all the projects are over... we are in the suspense of having to wait for our presentation schedules... its like waiting to strike the lottery i tell you and true enough mine comes... this coming monday at 4pm... if only u can see wat i look like right now... its not like in the picture you see now...

but i am worried... there is so much i have not prepared and i am afraid that i might mess it up... which i know i would eventually knowing that stupid sanath will screw me 100% in the presentations... i have no idea what the hell is his problem especially since he was the one who approved the project... i just can't wait to get this over wif... work on angel's system then prepare for the exams... EXAMS! i just wonder how to study for it also... starts 19 then 21 straight to 23... one after another... i have no idea why they are rushing our intake.

my sweet angel is sleeping every so peacefully now.. hugging the pink hippo i bought her for valentines day. why am i up? can't really sleep... i have so much that i want to get off my chest but it's not working.. i just can't get myself to just write it all out... like how i used to back then in all those notebooks. i do miss writing a lot. it used to help me get over things and ask questions to myself why certain things happen the way they do.

listening to Class 95 FM online from singapore... man a lot of classic songs which i've not heard for a long time now. tze ting.. if you ever read this blog HI :) not even sure if you still do or not. how have u been? its crazy over here for me... oh sorry for all the late nite sms'es to ya... it was really urgent and it still is. can't wait to grad and get out of studying soon. i feel like a dog on a leash. haha.. sorry i couldn't resist... that's ricky.. angel's dog... this dog is seriously restless and loves to play.. unfortunately i am afraid of him and i think he can sense it some times... but he shook my hand a couple days ago... haha that was scary. i miss singapore. should go back there soon with angel at the end of the year before heading back to brunei. then can meet ya ting ting! hehehe....

I HATE APIIT! if only i took the time to update the other blog i made to #$#%# about apiit... oh angel just flinched... i miss my quality times... i miss myself... i miss being care free... i miss being young... i miss angel... i miss my sleep...

some one once said.. it will be all worth it... yeah rite... if i ever find who this some one is i will beat the living crap out of them. i know this post isn't constructive but really my mind is a blank. before i started to write this one i had so much i want to blurt and write.. then nothing.. nothing at all came out from my mind to fingers... maybe tomolo one more post before i head home...

good nite

倒霉的一天

2005-08-09T23:40:00.000+08:00

今天的我，心情不大好。。。

还记得吗，以前上小学时，我们都必定会写作文，其中有一题叫做 ’倒霉的一天’。告诉你哦，我今天，就是要写这一篇。。。

今天七早八早，去到学校，没有 presentation 还不要紧。到了午餐时间，我的小可爱轮胎，竟然胞胎了。。。真是 “黑仔” 哪。没关系，轮胎弄好了之后，我就回家啦，顺便去轮胎店维修一下。哦，果然，轮胎有个小洞洞哎（你懂吗。。在这两个月里，我去了那车厂好十几次了），之后，也顺便弄下 alignment，不用说，又破费了。上次修理车已花了贰佰马币，可怜的我呀，没钱了哎！！！

Fine… 回到家，吃完了饭，过几小时之后，三姐回来了；问我待会儿去不去阿姨的 farewell，我说 OK 咯。怎知，当二姐回来时，她却和三姐说不让我去，要我做功课。然后，她们俩就这样走了。。也不通知声。还要我自己去问三姐，她还很勉强的说可以。直到我问她：“你们是不是不想我去？” 她才说是二姐不想我去。

我很生气，也很伤心，感觉好像他们在排斥我似的。我觉得他们好像在利用我；没伴时就找我，有伴时就把我踢开。我真的很讨厌那样的人。。。我不懂为何我在这写日记。照理说，我是不应该在这透露我家人的不好，可是我就是忍不住。我甚至想告诉全部人，我很讨厌这两个人。。。虚伪。。虚伪。。。这根本就是虚伪嘛。。。

王八蛋。。。讨厌的家伙啦。。。

气死我了。。。把本姑娘的心情弄的乱七八糟。。。真是气死人了啦！！！

唉，可怜的我。你们说，这是不是倒霉的一天啊？？？

真是人生三十大悲事的其中一项哎。。。

state of mind

2005-08-09T03:20:00.000+08:00

these few weeks especially in the last couple of nights where sleep is non existent and if it did its only a nights wink. nite after nite i would be staring at the screen doing codes which should be doin what i want it to do but it isn't behaving itself. wat language is that... DOT NET. it ain't too bad when you get the hang of it... i rather quite like it now but its still not as easy to work wif on asp.

i need a prayer.... a prayer of faith and strength... have i reli lost the faith?

it seems like we never update this blog anymore... its a excuse when we say we're too busy with work to even take 5mins of our time to just update here... but indeed FYP has taken its toll on everyone. with the new hope of a 1wk extension one would expect it to make us jump for joy... instead i'm already dreading this. working till late at night cos i'm reli worried about my little angel so helping her all i can and teaching her a language that is totally new to me as well. but i will push one... GOD GIVE ME STRENGTH.

To Do List:
1. Finish Coding
2. Finish building my robot
3. Finish documentation
4. Finish writing this blog
5. Shoot project manager
6. Find God again
7. Find myself again
8. Plan Multicultural Night
9. Shoot myself
10. Shoot myself

in a couple of days time this is exactly what i would look like elmo monster.. my childhood monster from sesame street... i took a picture of myself last night and the eye bags under my eyes... i'm ready to go for a holiday with those packed ones. hahaha....

i am tired...

i am weak...

i am insane...

was reading a couple of blogs on friendster.... blogs of close friends... i was suprised to see my name mentioned on a particular one by shan. it was a blog of faith and strength... for friends. strength... tat is something that i reli need now...

well.... good nite world and to who ever reads this... would love to blog a bit more but my eyes are failing me and the left side of my brain is on protest.... headache...

-;-

Friends???

2005-07-22T19:20:00.000+08:00

Wow ... it's been quite a while since i last blog here ... Somehow i already forgot i have a blog here ... haha ... Was doing a bit work earlier on ... boring ... n suddenly thought of blogging in blogger.com ...

Actually i have nothing to type now ... my mind is empty ... I'm thinking ... What kind of person i am actually? Or how other people think about me? Erm ... I think i'm a person, that will not be myself all the times. I don't mean that I'm pretending but I do have a principle of "attitude of being a friend to friends that i should have" all these while, which is I will treat my friend differently in attitude, style and so on according to their style. I don't really know what i mean by this, but i think everyone has his/her own style in their life. Some of them are serious, some of them are crazee (siao siao), some of them are "small gas", some of them are kind, helpful, playful, sporting and the list goes on.

When I mix with those who are serious, i have to control myself from being playful and sarcastic. When i mix with those who are totally insane, i can blurt out what eva i like. When i mix with those who are "small gas", i shall not make fun of them anytime ... and so on.

What i mean here is ... I'm actually a person that really hate arguement or quarel but i do like to make fun with people or insult them for fun or talk something "nonsense" ... But not everyone will have the "style" (gaya style ... muahahah) like tat ... If I'm who i am all the time, I think i will have no friend with me ... N because i hate quarel, i will even be more careful on what i talk n chat to my friends ard me ... careful as in what i should talk and when should i keep quiet. Thus i have to understand my friends well ... i mean really understand ... know what they like, what they dislike, their interests, their STYLE !!!

Mayb, there will be people who think that i'm fake ... as in when i'm with him/her, im not like that but when i'm with soemone else, i will be like that. Like what i said ... the way i treat my friends has to depend on their STYLE but ofcoz ... i treat them sincerely ... I did gossiping about friends sometimes, but WHO DOESN'T GOSSIP BOUT UR FRIEND? I mean ... mayb im not suppose to say gossip but TALK BOUT THEM, THEIR STYLE ... right? Sometimes we do get furstrated or angry on what our friends do to us ... n there we will start "so called as gossip" ... But still, we treat them well on the next time we meet them ... Right??? haha .... *conflict*

Friends ... are forever to me ... I hope my friends ard me will keep me company forever ... especially those frens that i really appreciated and those frens that really appreciated me ...
FRIENDSHIP FOREVER !!!

Until now, i'm still not so understand on what have i typed ... i feel blur ... haha ... but ... em hem ... nothin ... forget bout it ... got to go back to work ...

~Ciaoz~

.::AnGeL::.

happy birthday to angel

2005-05-09T00:33:00.000+08:00

my dearest angel.... today is your birthday oh! happy birthday to you... today i get to spend the midnite with you and i hope that the rest of the day you would be happy. i love you so much. Will do as much as i can to make today extra special for you!

Happy birthday to you....
Happy birthday to you....
Happy birthday dear angel
Happy birthday to you....

Selamat hari jadi...
Selamat hari jadi...
Selamat hari angel....
Selamat hari jadi...

生日快乐....
生日快乐....
生日快乐....
生日快乐....

umm the last song they always sing one i dun know... that is the best i can do especially the chinese one for you :) see boy boy learn to get it rite.. haha... 生日快乐天使 , 希望你梦想成真！

oh...ouch ouch

2005-04-29T13:11:00.000+08:00

erm...erm.... juz back from dental clinic... guess wat i did??? heheh....braces...erm.... it's not pain but as wat mr jee said...it's sore... n my teeth is super tired rite now... it's like kena ikat n standin there whole day... Oops...not whole day... it's 2 whole years... MAN!!!! how can i tahan??? but i hav to... i will miss lots of nice foods... my mr KFC... my mcDonald... My pizza.... My Kim Gary... My Mamak... My chewing Gum... OH no... all my favourites!!!! Now PORRIDGE stalls will welcome me the most.... haihz.... porridge... u know... i hate mr porridge so mch !!!!!!! so much!!! so much!1!!
Ouch ouch~~~...... SORE SORE!!! from today onwards...i can't talk much, can't eat much, can't smile much...haha...sooo damn ugly... haha........but it's a very good time for me to KEEP FIT~~!!!! muahahahahahaha

The letter....

2005-04-08T16:00:00.000+08:00

亲爱的外公，

阿公，您近来如何？希望一切都还好。很抱歉，收到外婆去世的噩讯后，我没办法赶回古晋，送她最后一程。当我获知这个噩讯时，我真的不敢相信，那是真的。可是在真实生活中，我们亲爱的阿嬷，确实是离开我们了。

我哭得满眼眶都是泪，哭得已经不能再哭了，但这已经是一个无法改变的事实，我们始终都要面对这心酸又残忍的一刻。外婆的离开，可能对我们大家来说，都感到很伤心，但是对外婆来说，却是一种解脱，她永远都不必再忍受那些令人毛骨悚燃的痛，可以安心的到另一个世界寻找快乐了。但是，我相信，阿嬷更想要看到的，是她的亲人，也就是她的丈夫，儿女们，孙子们，都能够继续开开心心的，过着每一天。

阿公，我在这想献上我的祝福给您，给在古晋的你们，祝你们身体健康，永远幸福。我知道妈妈他们都好伤心，所谓 ‘子欲养而亲不在 ’ ，毕竟失去自己的母亲，是比失去什么都更伤感的。我相信他们从今以后会更加珍惜您。

阿公，您一定要答应我，无论什么事情都好，您都不可以选择放弃，因为我们大家都希望您可以过的很幸福。我答应您，当我有假期时，我一定会回去探望您，但您也要答应我，您要过得很好噢！

最后，想告诉外婆，她永远都会在我们心中，永远，永远。。。

祝，

安康

安德鲁 (Andrew @ Andu)上

Death... Criess... Tears... Let go? Suffer?

2005-04-02T00:44:00.000+08:00

Death... It's such a scary word to me. It brings sadness n tears to people... but who wants to die? No one in this world will choose to die except he/she is in pain (physically or mentally).

I'm so sad today. After i came back from outside, my bb told me tat his grandma passed away. Erm... some people mite not believe it as today is APRIL FOOL... but to me... i believe it. Who will actually play with the word "death"???

He cried. I was just beside him but i did not comfort him... not even a word... I have a thousand words in my mind but i couldn't speak out anything except to give him a big hug. I felt myself very useless. I'm not well in express my feeling all these while n it went the same also today - tonight.

BB,

I know u are very sad... but we know that dead ppl cannot wake up n stay alive again. I think your ah ma will not want to see her grand children or anyone cry. Think about it, If she still alive, tat means she has to struggle again and suffer in pain... She has been fighting for her life to see all of u during CNY... Maybe to let her go is the best way to let her extricates... although now she has gone but i believe tat she will always be in ur heart. I'm sorry for keeping quiet when u r reli down... but remember tat i will always be there for you when u r sad... n i hope u will be strong at tis moment... Ur grandma will seek for her happiness in another world... Don't worry too much k... Treat her well when she was alive is the most important one... i told u before rite? n i think you did it right??? hmmm... *HUGS*

Good Luck in ur coming exam (MLY) n the coming coming exams...

.::AnGeL::.

我不懂。。。为什么上帝制造人，却又要毁灭人。。。为什么要有生死离别？

看着我身边的他在那边哭泣，而我却一字也说不出口。平常的我，不是很会安慰人的吗？怎么刚才却。。。我感到自己很无助。我很想帮忙他，和他一起分享这份悲哀，但我却不知该怎么办。除了让他投入我的怀抱，还是只能让他投入我的怀抱。一手抱着他，一手抓住他的手。。。此时，我的嘴巴像是被针线缝着了。我不懂，我该说些什么。。。我只想让他好好的大哭一场。希望他哭过以后会舒服些。。。

生老病死，本来就是很平常的事。虽然如此，我们还是会忍不住的让眼泪流出来，哭的唏呖哗啦的。。。妈妈，是我们身边最亲最亲的人。当他‘离开’我们时，我们心里就会酸酸的，眼眶就会泛泪，眼泪也会自然而然的流出来。。。死去的人离开我们，并不是我们想要的，也不是他们希望的，但却是我们必须接受的，这是上帝给人们最残酷的现实。所以，我们要学会珍惜身边的每一个人，每一时每一刻，打开您的胸膛，用一颗最真诚的心，去对待每一个你想珍惜的人。。不要直到失去了，才后悔当初没好好对待他。。。不要直到失去了，才学会及领悟到 ── 什么叫作， ★珍惜★

moo moo

2005-03-24T00:07:00.000+08:00

angel angel... Its ok... tat what ur elmo is for rite :) got anything else u wan me to do? the funny thing is that i just read your post and tonite we have a project to be completed and my angel is on the bed ZzzZZzzz.... hehehe... so its quite true wat u say in your post.. hahaha.. but i will always do my very best and its my pleasure to look after you and get ya da best ;) check my previous post.. now has a picture! thanks to micyuki for the tip :)

very da short update for here.. nothing much to do.. suppose to be working on a project rite now but here i am writing this... hehehe... and my angel.. still sleeping... hehehe... maybe will post something proper here later...

Thanx to u... BB

2005-03-22T17:52:00.000+08:00

It's been quite a while since my last post in this blogger. Erm... wat can i say... life was busy before today where i can actually sit down here n type. Haha... perhaps im not the one who suppose to say busy... coz ELMO was the one who done almost every work n i was the one who "ganbatei" for him fer while then ZzZZzzzZzz... My works was juz milo'ing with him, sit beside him then tell him... "i cannot tahan d... i got to sleep"... hahaha..........

Reli want to thank him... hehe... Muacks muacks... for all the assignments, projects as well as DAVID TAO's showcase... I dunno how things will be if it was not him helping me ALL THESE WHILE.........hehehe........ THANX........ I reli enjoyed the showcase on last saturday... haha.. u can c tat rite??? shouted like "SIAO LANG".....

hehe... THANX THANX N THANX... if it weren't u who teman me to Pyramid to shop n shop n shop... i wouldnt hav get the 4 tickets... if it weren't u who drove me to MidValley, i wouldnt get 2 more extra tickets... hmmm.......... ARIGATOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooo........

David Tao's Promo Tour

2005-03-22T00:42:00.000+08:00

took angel to catch david tao's promo tour last weekend saturday. it was a one off once in a blue moon chance and it was worth it!! the waiting.... the getting squished by other fans.... screaming... signing... the most important of all... angel had a good time and had a chance to meet her idol in person during the autograph session. that was the squished and pushed moment... sort of formed a force field around her while pushing and making our way to the side where they were letting those with the cd to go up on stage to get it autographed. my goodness some people especially oversized girls were really pushing and really squeeezing!! the heck out of me and angel. again it was worth it only that i was pulled aside by security when i finally got her to the stage. i didnt have a copy of the cd.. duh! but it was really a sight to see my angel's eyes light up and face glowing. you can tell she was tired but at the same time excited which kept her going. trying to get pictures uploaded to put here from that night. the best thing was that my mandarin has improved a lot. hehe.... all in all we enjoyed ourselves that nite... the music was good... angel was having a good time.... david was awesome... i'm tired.. angel's tired... can't wait for the concert... :)

news from myself... lets see... NOT ENOUGH SLEEP!!! almost hit a kancil and a truck earlier yesterday morning from angel's place to college. this is the first time that i can't cope with the lack of sleep. signs that i am aging and old. hehe.. which reminds me.. have to wake angel up now to get the keys from her dad's car. otherwise i will never be able to go home. hahaha....

one last cry....

2005-03-14T01:59:00.000+08:00

its now 2am monday morning and i'm still up doing things on the internet.. unconstructive work that is. just checking out websites aimlessly and without a reason. have david tao playing singing one last cry (live version). dunno some how tonite this song catches me. why am i still up? should be sleeping rite now but i'm not. watching and looking after angel while she sleeps away incase she wakes up and needs something. will be sleeping soon i suppose. nothing much has changed since the last post, still have tat thought on my mind and at the same time just wondering wat it could have been if i had met and went after angel earlier. lots of if's in my head which is not too good. its patricia's and karen's birthday today. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! if you ever come to know of this blog tat is ;) hehehe.

anyways i think i shall wrap up. my download is complete and the song just finished. with that i shall leave u with the song... one last cry lyrics...

My shattered dreams and broken heart
Are mending on the shelf
I saw you holding hands, standing close to someone else
Now I sit all alone wishing all my feeling was gone
I gave my best to you, nothing for me to do
But have one last cry

Chorus:
One last cry, before I leave it all behind
I�ve gotta put you outta my mind this time
Stop living a lie
I guess I�m down to my last cry

Cry......

I was here, you were there
Guess we never could agree
While the sun shines on you
I need some love to rain on me
Still I sit all alone, wishing all my feeling was gone
Gotta get over you, nothing for me to do
But have one last cry

Chorus:
One last cry, before I leave it all behind
I�ve gotta put you outta my mind this time
Stop living a lie
I know I gotta be strong
Cause round me life goes on and on and on
And on.....

I�m gonna dry my eyes
Right after I had my
One last cry

Chorus:
One last cry, before I leave it all behind
I�ve gotta put you outta my mind for the very last time
Been living a lie
I guess I�m down
I guess I�m down
I guess I�m down...
To my last cry...

blue... just feeling reli blue

2005-03-13T01:37:00.000+08:00

i know i've said this in all my blogs that i've not been posting and that is true... work has really gotten all of us at GF04B1 really stressed out.. thanks to our nice professional apiit.. lol.. but really none of us have had decent hours of sleep... recent one was aoom and for that my nick on msn changed to AOOM IS A BIACH!! to AOOM SUCKS (at the final hours) and today back to my very very old gaming nick... haiz... now only have one more to go then its the finals.... i want to die already. i just noticed that i use a lot of dots dots dots in my sentences.... << there i go again! hahaha.

but seriously.. as my baby angel sleeps peacefully *on the bed next to the computer* while i sit here on the computer talking to my sis while she works the grave yard shift back in brunei. i think to myself, i know i'm thinking of things but there isn't a specific or a particular thought. its just all jumbled up and that really makes me blue. recently i got news of my friends who graduated not too long ago have changed to a better job and a better pay. man that really scared me. i'm about to finish my college years and will i really survive out there working?? am i really ready? i was talking to angel about it in the car earlier on the way to the tailor's to get my pants, i was just telling her that after talking to my friend online about work it really got me thinking and it scared me cos not too long from now i would be graduating *hopefully* and soon after working. its not goin to be like group work and assignments where we do work with friends. its the real stuff. am i even prepared for it???????? are you prepared for it jas? micyuki?? this semester is about to end and a new one starting a month after our exams. time sure really flies when u are bogged down with work. litterally flying. i never thought of all this when i was in dip or in high dip. I Will Survive!!!

i find myself sometimes walking around looking lost. its the funniest sight ever if u ever catch me like tat. but i do roam the walk ways in college some times not knowing wat i'm thinking and its the only time that i wish i could go away. some where really far. then angel would touch my arm and ask, are you ok? i would smile and say... i'm alrite.... maybe its true that all pieces likes to dream. i'm a dreamer myself and have lots to achieve when i graduate. other times i just think about nothing or wat it would be like right about now in some country. your brain just turns off for a while then it goes into this thought phase (recharge phase i call it) where u don't do the walking or talkin. memories just float by and u try to remember everything.

i'm not making sense anymore. told u i was blue... a lot of things can't be said here. lots of things... :) for that i bid everyone good nite. i have to go look after my angel rite now... nites :)

-·=»‡«=·- §åtüRn -·=»‡«=·-

how come cny like tat 1???

2005-02-10T19:24:00.000+08:00

Today is 2nd day of CNY. SUppose, it is and should be a very happy day for me n for him but... something happened. Before he went back to his hometown, i already hav the sense tat his ex mite go n look for him... u knoe wat... i reli kena lottery 1st prize... my sense has neva been tat chun before in my life n recently my sense has become more n more chun!!!

She reli went n visit his grandama(kononnya grandma... i thikn she aredi knew tat he back for cny)... but mayb she reli went visit his grandma...who knows? I will not mention wat has happened today but it's a sad one n angry one tat caused lots of tears in heart n hates in between a mum n a child.

To Bebe,

I'm sorry for not telling u earlier n sorry tat im not able to be by ur side when things happened. I wish i can give u a big big HUGS rite now... It's 2nd day of cny... i dun 1 u to be sad... im sorry to tel u tat i dun 1 u 2 be fren wif her anymore because seriously i thikn tat the best way to avoid her from contacting u anymore is juz ignore her kao kao(meaning no more REPLY on sms nor mail nor calls)... actually from the start i reli did hope tat all of us can be fren(me u n her)... but tats impossible!!!..... last time i think im the only one who is not possible to be fren wif her... but now.....................i knoe im very selfish... but she's reli a nite mare for me... sorry for being so selfish... but wat i've expected was ALL RIGHT... n she reli is not so simple as wat ppl see... becareful k... i will keep my promise on wat i've promised but please bebe, becareful k... im 100% trust on u... but alwiz remember tat... NOT HER...

reli sad for wat has happened today... i hope there's no more hate n tears inside ur heart rite now n hope u alwiz remember tat... im the one who goin to spend my life wif u... u know them well n u know they mite say something tat mite hurt u...but please alwiz remmeber also tat"WAT PPL SAYS WHEN THEY R ANGRY R NOT COUNTED AS WAT THEY WANT TO TELL U IN HEART"... u r the one who know urself well... but no matter wat happen... i will alwiz support u...alwiz remember tat ok... miss u lots....

happy cny bebe!!!

ANgel

why it became like that? frustrated!!!

2005-01-31T23:04:00.000+08:00

I AM SAD!!! i'm too sad... i dunno how to describe my feelings rite now.

Have u gals ever been in a situation where u saw s"sumthing" which u not suppose to see n hav tat feeling that "He is my bf, i should trust him.. but if i dun read all these, i wouldnt know anythin tat he hides from me.. but he is my bf!!!... yeah...i trust him...but not her... but it's not rite to read his things wifout askin him!!!! but i want to know wat makes him so special tat the loves of tis gal to my bf has neva fade...oh yeah... i think i should read." n without second thought, u slowly take out wat u should or want to take n look at it.

1st line, 2nd line...goes on..."oh god....gosh....oh no... please la... ha? wah lau..." these are wat popped out in my mind... i threw the paper away... in the same time, i have the urge of tearing the paper... tears started to drop... non stoply... i couldn't stop it... i took a deep breathe... started to think... i dun care wat the hell she n him did last time... i juz cant believe tat... is tis my bf kah? He told me tat he neva propose to a gal before tat he will marry her... neva hav the thought before, that he will marry her ex'es... except for me... im the one who make him thinks tat... but wat the hell r all these sentences in front of me? "He lied to me? or he didnt know tat he did tel to other gal b4?"... tears still dropping... Perhaps, im the STUPID one!!! like those silly gal tat reli would believe wat a guy tel her when a guy look very very serious... perhaps... im one of them... i dunno... thinking bout it... yeah... mayb i myself.... angeline... yes... u r too stupid n too easy to believe ppl tat "talk sweet" to u... n too easy to fall... i mean fallen for him... tears STILL n STILL... dropping................................. :~(

straight away, i type a msg n sent it to him (only gals will know wat's my look rite now!!! it's reli an ugly face wif tears n anger!) ... n he replied wif answer which i dun reli wish to see... we argued... he said i not suppose to read wifout his permission... yeah yeah...ofcoz i know tis, but tis is not the point!!! im not argu'ng wif u bout tis ( tis refers to promise tat i made to him tat i wont react anythin after i read all those "papers")... i toldl him tat wat he said to me "before" MEAN NOTHING!!! I only wan u to be honest to me all the times... if one day ur guy/loved one tell u tat ( i wan to marry u, will u marry me? answer me... will u? seriously... will u?u know i neva tel other gal as wat i told u ->sumthin like only me tat he wans to be wif for the rest of his life, which he neva think like tat before to his ex'es) ... u knoe it's so much touching... im so proud... so proud tat im the only gal for u to think like tat or rather to say tat "no one will ever beat me in his heart before or now n then"... but the sentence infront of me juz pulled me down... wat the hell? does tat mean tat wat he promised n told me before all all FAKE 1? i dunno...... i dare not to keep his promise anymore in my heart... NO!!!

i know i didnt keep promise tat i wont think nonsense after i read all those things... tat's my fault. But gal is stilll a gal after all. I didn't think anything bout him n her.... but i ONLY think bout things between "U n ME"... do u get wat i mean? i dun care wat da heck u did before wif her.. but i hope u can 100% honest to me.. i mean if u want to tel me sumthin to make me happy, please!!!... i do want tat sumthin come from ur heart.. not juz few movements of ur lips... i dun need tat!!! i told u tat before already but i think you've forgot bout it...

i want!!! i want to learn... i want to learn how to control my heart... to love, to forget, to forgive, to say "i love u", to say "i miss u", to see things more openly, to be able to control my hand to get sumthin which im not suppose to get (like his journal, n his letters fr gals/ex'es... wat to do? GATAL man!!!)... to be happy, to be not sad... n the list just goes on... i hope everything will be fine... today, tomorrow... forever...

thoughts.. nothing but lousy thoughts

2005-01-30T03:46:00.000+08:00

-> have you ever gone through a time where there is just so much u can handle in your life then suddenly it doesn't seem all that important. but the whole night you would be so troubled with a particular thought in mind and it just gets u really sad and heavy hearted. that's exactly how i feel tonite. it all comes down to what you have and don't have especially as seen in the eyes of the parent authority. i don't even know if i make sense right now. like i said i just have so much on my mind right now that i don't really know where to start or even make heads of tails. if u could feel this heart of mine now... it really feels like it can sink a ship. in your chest it feels like something hurting and wanting to just jump out. chest pains that never seems to go away but comes back when you're sad or when your loved one is sad. that is the eternal link that i have with angel and if she is at all sad it hurts me to know that she is. a lot of times in the past that i've suffered for her and its because of love that i feel tis way. i know it sounds silly but that's how it is wif angel and i.

-> but tonite i got the worst kinda of news ever... its hardly new and its something that has been on my mind since i started dating angel. its more like a reality check... guy no car... guy kenot do anything... at least right now that is how i feel in the eyes of the parent authority. not that i think that its not fair for them to think that way... i myself think that its true... as sincere as it is and as part duty of being a gentleman is to be able to take the princess out on our own chariot and not one that belongs to the kingdom. she asked me if it was right of her to tell me this (especially since she halau me from the room) and yes its right of her... i mean if i never knew how her parents really felt about this it would seem that i am taking advantage of the situation. deep down in my heart i only wanted to be with angel... not that i wanted to use her things for my own benefit.. the times i threw tantrum was never out of selfishness but out of love. but thinking realisticly... me getting a car any time soon... is like me wishing the moon and the stars everynight... i never really told angel how i felt about this situation before... a lot of nights where i can't sleep... its because of this... or something related to this... i mean i don't even need to get the hint from her parents... i myself already know it as my own responsibility as the guy. but after finding out tonite... its like priority number one if i ever want to date angel properly...

-> i don't know... my mind is just so messed up right now... i don't really know who reads our blog... some one sure does... if u dun get wat i mean here.. then maybe its meant for reading that's all.... jas... i know u drop by our blog every now and then... has it ever happened to u guys before? i mean... well at least in some same situation where parents expects more than what we can really handle at the moment... BLANK... that's how my mind is at right now... its filled with thoughts but i don't know where to start thinking so its just a BLANK. you all have been there before... u sit there... prob reading or eating halfway.. then u just have so much on your mind but its a total blank... yet we are so bothered about it that we forget wat we're doing. i sit here now writing this right not from the mind but from the heart... cos the brain now is a blank... i do wish the very best for angel... but i'm afraid that my best doesn't come that fast... maybe its just me... unfortunate that money doesn't grow on trees.

its good to be back!

2005-01-11T11:04:00.000+08:00

-> its been a while now since i got back. well 3 days since i got back. lol... its good to be back! especially good to be able to hug my little angel again!! ya! in coll no typing this so have to keep it short.. so many ppl suddenly walking behing me while typing this.. SO MALU!!! hahaha...

end........of.........WORLD!

2005-01-05T23:27:00.000+08:00

erm... dunno y i hav tis feelin tat the world is going to end!!! Do u guys notice that many disasters happened in tis few years? well not tat many but scary things r happening everyday n it bcomes more serious from days to days... will it be end of world??? if it reli happens, what is your last wish??? what do u want 2 do??? who do u want to be wif???

an ordinary day....

2005-01-04T12:14:00.000+08:00

-> it seems that everyone is back to school again and here i am still in brunei doing nothing when i should be back there keeping my angel company especially this thurs when she has her supervisor clinic. how i wish i was back in kl now. the past week or so away from angel has given me the time to reasses thoughts and what i have with angel and you know wat... meeting angel has been the best thing of my life. things are really going well for us and i really see it going some where. i really do. i know things are a little hard when i'm not around every now and then and i hope to change that.

-> oh ya angel thought me how to play minesweeper... she got so frustrated teaching me the game and insists that she has thought me once before. i don't remember but she said she did.. so she did ;) who's is to argue with that. lol... eventually i took the interest as well and started reading up on the net how to play the game.. was still blur but determined to learn the silly game. what seemed silly then now really interesting. if only she had explained earlier the 8boxes walk around thing then maybe i would have picked it up ages ago. lol... so now whenever we're online we would be playing it on msn and you know wat... I ALMOST WON! hehehe... of course a few nudges (have you guys tried msn7 yet? awesome stuff) to hint she wants to win... so a few accidental clicks here and there... hehehe...

-> i still remember how angel and i met... it was a beautiful day when i walked into the auditorium and there was this girl whom i have no idea who she was but she was smilling at me. naturally i smiled back and ever since that first smile she has captured my interest. attendance time i would try to catch her answering but always.. i mean always i missed it as i assumed she had a typical chinese name and would be maybe 50 some thing on the list. hehehe.. so ya it was a mission to find out and i did eventually. i remember one time before i knew her name i wrote the girl in red in front of me on my notebook to one of the guys and asked them if they knew her name. lol... then one day i got the courage to leave her a note and didn't even pass it to her personally. hahaha... i ran to the parking lot found her car and left it on the windsheild. hahaha... never expected her to actually message me the same day. since then we started talking and eventually dated and now almost 6mths in the making. boy does time pass by really fast. half a year already. thinking back now i am really glad that i invited her to join us at sunway for the mapcu games. even then i didn't expect her to show up then suddenly her name appeared on my mobile "Hello, Andrew... are you still in sunway?" Angel do you remember "STONED FACE". hehehe... i still can't believe it took me over a year to get the courage to actually say hi to her and make a move. in that 1 year we exchanged or rather i wrote her letters (as what we chinese would say KAO her) and whenever i was back in brunei we would spend hours chatting on msn about everything. i remember the first time we chatted it was till 4am... since then we've had 6 anniversary chats and a record 6am chat. hehehe...

-> ok i am off for lunch. am now in the office doing absolutely nothing... no calls so far and i'm hungry... wonder wat angel is having for lunch and where... prob she's at lucky know them... eating wat? hakka noodles of course.. unless today cos i'm not there so she's having pan mee. hehehe.. we shall see wat angel comments later one when she comes online at 4. ta ta

back 2 coll !!!

2005-01-03T14:55:00.000+08:00

today it's da 1st day back 2 coll after da christmas n new year holidays. I only hav 1 class today which is.. erm.. sorry ya..can't reli remember wat's da subject name d but it's DDD class. Hehe... erm... it's quite boring n my friend bside me (pat) came late fer bout 5 minutes n when da lecturer was lecturin.. she kenot sit diam diam... hahaha... she said "so boring"...

Wat he taught today? Relational model.. touchin bit of SQL(juz a little bit)... n integrity constraints... Eh... how would i know all these??? haha... TODAY I GOT PAY ATTENTION !!! i mean not fully concentrate but at least better than classes before holidays.

I got my new text book.. DBMS one... cost me rm64.. i hope in da end of da module tis book will help me to hav better understandin on tis subject.. muahahaha...

2moro got 2 classes.. i hope it will not be borin.. but... drream la... where got class not borin 1??? hmmm....

Happy New Year!

2005-01-01T01:52:00.000+08:00

-> Wow its already the year 2005... how fast does time passes by... first of all a happy new year to everyone. nothing special tonite, had dinner at my soon to be brother-in-law's parents house together with a few uncles and aunties. prayers would be heard tonite for the victim's of the tsunami tragedy... while drivin back from miri i was listening to radio 4 labour pains and i can't believe there are silly people out there *ADULTS MIND U* who are so narrow minded and have no clue about what reli happened and why yet they blame the officials for not warning and stuff. one individual even said that there is no such thing tis day of age with all the computers and internet. my goodness they called in to complain and bitch when they could have pledged some money to help out. they think they are so smart to talk yet they didn't even pledge before getting off the air. Never the less u selfish people there is no one to blame as no one knew such thing would suddenly happen. at the end of the day its nature who struck back.

-> prayers tonite and for the rest of the year:

to everyone around the world who are still waiting for news of their loved ones and also to the victim's of the tragedy. i pray that they be given strength and the will to start over a new.
for my grandparents and the entire family that they too be kept safe and be given strength to carry on.
for my angel and her family that they too be kept safe and away from harm.
for my special angel to have strength to put up with me come the new year.
for all my friends around the world that they be kept safe

-> a new means a year older.. man i can't believe it.. haiz... i wonder what this year holds for angel and i... hopefully things will go smoothly and safely. lol... oh.. i got irene to give angel a hug for me tonite from me since i was not there to wish my angel a happy new year. hehehe.. strange thing was irene was ok wif the request. hahaha.. angel's reaction to it was funny when i heard from her. lol... but my dear that is the best i can do for now and its not always u get a hug from her for me. hehehe... happy new year my dear... we are a step closer to our dreams already... don't give up on me ya! :) i love you so much!

painful to know...

2004-12-31T03:39:00.000+08:00

-> its not easy when you know someone is sad because we can't be there for them. tonite after reading my angel's post i know how she feels inside. i don't reli know how to say sori to her rite now especially wif everything that is going on. its especially hard for her as she was expecting me back on the 3rd. i too was hoping to go back on the 3rd but things came up... my grandmother is sick and now all of use are on standby waiting for our parents phone call telling us to get on the next flight in or drive back to kuching. my dearest... if you are reading this now... this very moment after i finish tis... i am truely sory that i won't be there the first week back. i would love to and i want to... just that things took a sudden turn. i reli hope you do understand... i will make it up to you when i get back there my dear. it hurts me to know that you are sad and i do wish i was there now to manja u like i always had when i was around. i love you angel.... i miss you just as much as you miss me. the week is passing by fast... soon i will be back next to your heart again. i know its tough being alone but i am always wif u in spirit.... sounds familiar? hehehe... i miss u so much!

sad...

2004-12-31T03:28:00.000+08:00

I'm so sad... knowing that he won't be able to come back on the 1st week after holidays to coll... i am reli reli very sad... but not blaming anyone ofcoz... at tis moment he is sad too n he kenot leave his hometown. But im reli sad... 1 week i have to go thru by myself... morning to coll... in class... lunch... n go back...

mmm... hope his grandma is fine lor... we r stil prayin...

haihz... so no mood now...

y tis few days i so sad 1???

Prayers for my grandma

2004-12-30T02:32:00.000+08:00

-> we received a call from our relatives back in kuching with reli bad news. my grandma is reli ill and diagnose with lung cancer in the advance stages already where no kemo or drugs can help. tonites post will be reli short and i ask those of you reading our blog tonite and the next couple of days to pray for my grandma and our family. pray that god gives everyone strength to carry on through this ordeal. if only my grandma was not stubborn and went to the hospital when my parents went down with all the necessary documents! if only she did maybe it could have been detected earlier and probably something be done for it... why!! why was she stubborn!!! WHY!!! i know death is a part of life but why does it have to be tis way... tonite i sit here typing this with a heavy heart. a heart where i have to be strong in front of my mom and help her through this. i sit here with tears held back and the thought of my mom and her sis crying to sleep tonite. God give me strength... to my friends who smoke i urge u to reconsider what you're doing to yourself. my grandma is suffering from lung cancer this very minute in the hospital back in kuching... reli consider what you're doin to yourself and stop smoking.... think of your loved ones around you should this happens to you. please...

~~ God give me strength ~~

prayin...god bless aj's grandma

2004-12-30T01:16:00.000+08:00

just received msg from aj... he said his grandma is now in emergency of cancer disease... i wish i can borrow everyone's heart n pray for his grandma... i wish im now wif him... i wish i can share his sadness... he muz be very sad n scare now... my dear... im not thre wif u now but my heart is alwiz ther wif u... i hope ur grandma will be fine... will pray hard fer her... will wait fer u as well till u on9...no matter wat time...

hope to hear from u soon... hope it's good news...

God will bless her...

angel

im afraid...

2004-12-29T18:15:00.000+08:00

im afraid...afraid tat i mite lost trust 2 everyone...my frens ard me i mean...i dunno how can things spread tat fast n chun!!! i find myself very stupid...reli stupid...i will not tell anyone bt my feelins again... frens kenot be trusted... "tel la tel la...i wont tel anyone 1..."...WTF!!!!!!!!!!!

im lost totally... i cannot trust anyone... except for myself... im afraid... one day...everyone ard me will betray me... i dun understand... y certain thing can be promised so easily n ended up wif nothing... i afraid... afraid of promises...

im alwiz a lamerz...im so lousy... i dare not to face avthing... y am i so stupid? i've tried... tried to be smart... i can be smart when i counsellor ppl but when it comes to myself...i can be tat blur... i mite give ppl an impression tat i pretended to be good gal in front of ppl but in fact im not... but tis is bcoz i do things too carelessly... i blurt out things too easily wiftout thinking of the consequences... n i trust ppl easily...

sumone told me b4... she said... 每个人一定会把事实告诉你，但是不会把全部事实告诉你！！！

i feel insecure now... to everyone ard me...except fer my family...

wat a way to end 2004

2004-12-29T01:38:00.000+08:00

-> if you don't know what's been goin on ard the world especially recently in asia you've got to get ur lazy bum off the computer and watch the news... a recent earthquake off the cost of sumatra rocked and cause a 20foot tidal wave to hit several countries and a lot has died. my prayers goes out to friends and families who has relatives or friends in those affected areas. Condolences to those families who has lost loved ones.

-> now talking to my angel... so miss her... i wonder what she is thinking when i'm not around. it still surprises me that when we chat some time we finish each others sentences or think of the same thing at the same time. then we would laugh at it. i just hope that the past couple of days she's been resting well especially after that some thing which was late. haiz... scare us nia. but i do miss her and wonder what she is doin right at this very moment everyday. wat are you doing oh bebe.,... she just got her facial done today.. she wanted to punch the lady who was doin the black heads. dun play play u know.. my angel quite strong wan for a girl. skinny like crazy by super strong! i miss her... wish can see her now... just to say hi or a hug would do wonders for me...

tired day...

2004-12-28T22:29:00.000+08:00

im so tired today...not really la actually but bit tired...hehe...
i finally threw away the bag!!! i put it inside my shoe box when i was cleanin my room...erm...so happy tat i finally threw it away.....hehe.....also went to facial today...wow the auntie...press my face until..........so so so so so pain!!!! but face now is clean d!!! hehehe...... hmmm.....am now waitin fer sumone 2 on9...neck tired shoulder tired mind oso tired d...2moro got 2 wake up early...it's even more tiring man~~~

It came.. it came!!

2004-12-27T22:19:00.000+08:00

-> These past couple of days i've been worried about something and its been delayed for a couple of days and its has never done that before. then today suddenly beep beep its finally come! WOW wat a relief. Too bad i can't tell you that its all about but i'm sure one day you guys will definately go through this. I can assure you that. hehehe..

-> my angel is attending a wedding reception tonite and won't be back till later tonite i suppose since i'm all alone right now posting this. hehehe... she was telling me about the wedding pictures that her cousin took... there were these set where the groom and bride was partially naked (undies and bra) and pictures were taken like that. strange thing was my baby actually likes the idea and wants it too next time... when it comes to our turn. wow.. is that pressure or wat.. hahaha... but then mama came in and said are you crazy! no way you're going to do that.. lol... we shall see... hehe...

-> FYP IS DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!!!!!! ahhhh.. that feels so much better now that i've gotten it off my chest. hahaha... if you're wondering... we have to do a final year project as part of our degree course and i've ventured into Robotics and i am having problems limiting my research scope. hopefully these next couple of days i'll be able to make up my mind about it.

-> k lah.. i don't reli have much to post anyways... slept like a pig today.. woke up abt 11am this morning and from there my dad started really slow. not that i could reli think of anything much but my darlin... i miss her very da much and can't wait to see her... i wonder what she would be doing for this new years... my plans are indefinate yet as my whole family might want to take the trip up to KL instead of spending it over in Labuan like we used to. Hopefully the plan goes through...

missing someone

2004-12-27T05:06:00.001+08:00

-> those of u who are reading this page and don't have simplified chinese language pack installed u will either see angel's entry as squares, question marks or garble... this is her way of hidding certain feelings or thoughts that she doesn't know how to talk to me about. she writes it in chinese! if you're wondering why am i complaining... i don't read chinese. thought she could get away then i had this website that translate chinese to english... then surprised her while chatting wif her on msn... hehehe... i can be cheeky some times. those of you having a hard time figuring it out there are a couple of translator websites out there. if you're reali interested in what it means go search on the net for translators. hehehe or get a friend to read it for you. lol... we've been chatting online since 10.30pm (26th Dec) till now... 5.12am. i know the entry says 5.06 cos tats when i started writing this. anyways... a lot has been said tonite... a lot of things that we never really talked about and i am glad that we had this chat tonite. i really miss her and i do wish i can go back to see her now... *HUGS*

umm umm.....

2004-12-26T22:45:00.000+08:00

今天心情有点乱乱的，好像很担心某些事情。最近觉得自己好像开始有了女人的直觉，之前我的直觉都很不准，但是最近好像很准。

这个男生，一个我从来都没想过会和他在一起的男生，竟然会令我那么的牵挂他。我真的很想念他。我们已经4天没见面了，但是感觉上好像很久没见面了。其实，思念自己的男朋友，是一种可喜兼甜蜜蜜的感觉，但这一次，我不仅是有这感觉，更多了一份忧愁感。我觉得他好像没像以前的，那样想我了。我很怀念，他追求我的那个时候。那时，就算没有谈多少天、送多少短讯，我也能感受到他对我的思念。可能，现在我真的很想念他，所以我会觉得他没那么想我。但是，我真的很害怕。。。害怕他真的是我想象中的那样，对我开始淡掉了。

今天在回家的路上，脑海里突然浮现了好多好多问题。从我和他开始，到他和我的家人，再到我和他的家人。从第一天和他在一起时，我就已经很担心我和他会相处得不好。毕竟我的英文不太好，他的华语也不棒，所以很多朋友都会说我们会好像鸡和鸭在聊天。当时，我真的很自卑，所以和他话也不多，每次都是他讲话我点头。但后来我自己想想，这些并不是我所要的恋情。所以，我宁可别人笑我差，我也要和他沟通。他也一直很努力的在学华文，让我真的很感动！！！当然，现在的我们，沟通也算是过得去了。

但是，女生永远都有烦不完的烦恼。现在，我却担心他和我家人合得来吗？我呢？和他的家人也合得来吗？他在我家人眼中，也算是过关了。那我呢？他父母亲、姐姐及弟弟对我的印象又是怎样的呢？还有他的婆婆、亲戚，又是怎样呢？第一次见到他妈妈时，我忘了和伯母打招呼，她一定会觉得我很没礼貌。至于他的爸爸，第一次和他说话，还是在他的电话上和他讲话。由于我和他交换电话sim card，不懂他的爸爸会不会对我的印象不好。他全家人的英文都说得很流利，非常流利，这对我英文那么烂的人来说是一种很大、很大的压利。如果我真的和他家人见面谈天，我一句也听不懂，一句话也说不出、不懂得回答，那我该怎么办？

女人啊。。。为什么您有那么多的时间，却不想些好的动西？而是把没有那么可怕的事想得那么可怕！！！但是。。。女人。。。她始终还是女人！

很希望。。很希望。。。他是和我一样的。。。那样想念着他的想着我。。。很希望。。。他对我的心。。。永远都不会淡。。。非常希望。。。当我们老了那时，他还是会像现在那样。。。牵着我的手，听我发唠骚，让我撒撒娇，很开心很开心的。。。过着每一天。。。

haihz??? sorry....

2004-12-26T01:03:00.000+08:00

Rite now i'm bit happy..err...nono...not a bit...it's very happy. Why? Coz i can see him finally. I mean i can reli sit down here n chat wif him fer long hours wifout any BUSY on his side or my side. I've stated tis tat many times d no matter in blogger or in my diary or "in his diary" or sms but here i am..am goin 2 say tis once again...I've waited fer so long fer him to come on9 n why is it tat everyone can meet him on9 but not me??? hmmm...Tat's y i decided today tat i dun wan 2 miss any chance to meet him online. I "SACRIFICED" my "diet timessss" n wait fer him at home to online. I even sms'ed him but so sad...he was outside. I was thinking "it's okie, i'll wait!!!" 1st 1 hour i was still okie wif hopes tat he will come online now. An hour later my sis was back. N wat..she asked me whther im folo'in her to diet..i was thinkin shud i or not??? n my final answer is--->NO!!! So i juz sit there in front of da pc doin nothin except fer wait wait n wait. Then finally he smsed n asked me 2 wait fer him. I was so excited!!!

Ting! Ting! Ting! He came!!!!!!!!!!!! not more than few puluh minutes, he said his bro goin 2 use da phone. Wat da!!!!!!!!!! U knoe wat came 2 my mind 1st??? ---> No handphone izzit?????????? hahaha....sorry ya my sumone!!! I signed out my MSn immediately wifout any bye bye (like my little angeline gone like tat wifout any bye bye fer big angeline).

Bla Bla Bla.....Wat i wan 2 tel him is....I didnt geram or wat lor...just tat...my excited feelin juz ended up wif dissapointment...waitin fer sumone fer so long is not easy esp fer impatient ppl like me.......i wan to apologize here to my sumone coz i knoe he has his own reason to gtg lor...hmmm...n plus plus...tat time my mood oso not too good coz fish fish angeline dead lor...made me even more sad...hmmm...n when i met him on9 juz now he said his flight is on 8th...OMG........!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But im alwiz happy when i see him (real person or online or sms).........hehe.......remember tat oh!!!!!!!!!!! 1437

Merry Christmas....

2004-12-25T23:22:00.000+08:00

-> People around the world gets to spend this special day with their loved ones... i do too but i'm missing that special someone in my life. Things aren't so easy for the both of us right now.. especially since we're so far apart from each other. How i wished i could hug her now. would be nice! miss her baby smell... hehehe...

-> Ques.. is it strange that the current one happens to like some thing that was used before by the ex?

-> Boxing day is coming up!!! yeah presents can finally be opened! now if only my sis and bf would make their way home already. hahaha... i don't really know what i got from everyone actually but hopefully its good.. ya ya... hehehe.. wishing my angel was here...

-> angel and i was at sunway pyramid on the 17-12-04 and took part at one of the activities at there. our pic was taken and its on their website at funtastic2005.com (funtastic2005 @ iZone sunway pyramid). we played this fun-fish thing where you try to scoop up gold fish using tissue paper into your bowl and u get to keep it. here's our pic angel_drew