Monday, January 31, 2005

why it became like that? frustrated!!!

I AM SAD!!! i'm too sad... i dunno how to describe my feelings rite now.

Have u gals ever been in a situation where u saw s"sumthing" which u not suppose to see n hav tat feeling that "He is my bf, i should trust him.. but if i dun read all these, i wouldnt know anythin tat he hides from me.. but he is my bf!!!... yeah...i trust him...but not her... but it's not rite to read his things wifout askin him!!!! but i want to know wat makes him so special tat the loves of tis gal to my bf has neva fade...oh yeah... i think i should read." n without second thought, u slowly take out wat u should or want to take n look at it.

1st line, 2nd line...goes on..."oh god....gosh....oh no... please la... ha? wah lau..." these are wat popped out in my mind... i threw the paper away... in the same time, i have the urge of tearing the paper... tears started to drop... non stoply... i couldn't stop it... i took a deep breathe... started to think... i dun care wat the hell she n him did last time... i juz cant believe tat... is tis my bf kah? He told me tat he neva propose to a gal before tat he will marry her... neva hav the thought before, that he will marry her ex'es... except for me... im the one who make him thinks tat... but wat the hell r all these sentences in front of me? "He lied to me? or he didnt know tat he did tel to other gal b4?"... tears still dropping... Perhaps, im the STUPID one!!! like those silly gal tat reli would believe wat a guy tel her when a guy look very very serious... perhaps... im one of them... i dunno... thinking bout it... yeah... mayb i myself.... angeline... yes... u r too stupid n too easy to believe ppl tat "talk sweet" to u... n too easy to fall... i mean fallen for him... tears STILL n STILL... dropping................................. :~(

straight away, i type a msg n sent it to him (only gals will know wat's my look rite now!!! it's reli an ugly face wif tears n anger!) ... n he replied wif answer which i dun reli wish to see... we argued... he said i not suppose to read wifout his permission... yeah yeah...ofcoz i know tis, but tis is not the point!!! im not argu'ng wif u bout tis ( tis refers to promise tat i made to him tat i wont react anythin after i read all those "papers")... i toldl him tat wat he said to me "before" MEAN NOTHING!!! I only wan u to be honest to me all the times... if one day ur guy/loved one tell u tat ( i wan to marry u, will u marry me? answer me... will u? seriously... will u?u know i neva tel other gal as wat i told u ->sumthin like only me tat he wans to be wif for the rest of his life, which he neva think like tat before to his ex'es) ... u knoe it's so much touching... im so proud... so proud tat im the only gal for u to think like tat or rather to say tat "no one will ever beat me in his heart before or now n then"... but the sentence infront of me juz pulled me down... wat the hell? does tat mean tat wat he promised n told me before all all FAKE 1? i dunno...... i dare not to keep his promise anymore in my heart... NO!!!

i know i didnt keep promise tat i wont think nonsense after i read all those things... tat's my fault. But gal is stilll a gal after all. I didn't think anything bout him n her.... but i ONLY think bout things between "U n ME"... do u get wat i mean? i dun care wat da heck u did before wif her.. but i hope u can 100% honest to me.. i mean if u want to tel me sumthin to make me happy, please!!!... i do want tat sumthin come from ur heart.. not juz few movements of ur lips... i dun need tat!!! i told u tat before already but i think you've forgot bout it...

i want!!! i want to learn... i want to learn how to control my heart... to love, to forget, to forgive, to say "i love u", to say "i miss u", to see things more openly, to be able to control my hand to get sumthin which im not suppose to get (like his journal, n his letters fr gals/ex'es... wat to do? GATAL man!!!)... to be happy, to be not sad... n the list just goes on... i hope everything will be fine... today, tomorrow... forever...


3 comments:

Jasmine * said...

Angeline jie,don't cry ( i am 9 days late :P ). Haha, I know what you mean... Us girls worry a lot... and we always see or do what we can't see or do :P haha.

Let me tell you something, I think andrew never say that he told another girl what he told you cuz he doesn't want you to get angry/jealous/sad. every BF wants his GF to be happy... I'm sorry you had to 'find out the truth' that way... but I am sure he meant no harm to you. Guys don't wanna hurt their gf. It's good to be honest, but it's also healthy to tell a white lie once in a while, just to see your partner happy (at that time...and for eternity). But you found out otherwise, bet he didn't mean too. I found out some things too (without his knowing). Of course I felt sad.

But the most important thing is... he is with you now. not her, her or her (points points points). ;) I know you are very "geram" (Me still geram even though so long dy)... but what to do. :P Look at the future...

angel said...

mei mei... thanx fer ur reply... i knoe wat u mean... but tis gal is reli ... i dunno how 2 tell u but she is not like other normal gal... it's reli scary... i trust him reli very much... but to her... 0% or maybe -ve of trust to her... haihz... i reli dunno how oh... so luan!!!

elmo said...

I HATE THAT BIACH!!! cause trouble nia for us... jas.. sorry for not replying for some time... its been a while since i read here... how r u? i saw ur note on downtownkl.. but that was like last month... everything ok?