Sunday, January 30, 2005

thoughts.. nothing but lousy thoughts

-> have you ever gone through a time where there is just so much u can handle in your life then suddenly it doesn't seem all that important. but the whole night you would be so troubled with a particular thought in mind and it just gets u really sad and heavy hearted. that's exactly how i feel tonite. it all comes down to what you have and don't have especially as seen in the eyes of the parent authority. i don't even know if i make sense right now. like i said i just have so much on my mind right now that i don't really know where to start or even make heads of tails. if u could feel this heart of mine now... it really feels like it can sink a ship. in your chest it feels like something hurting and wanting to just jump out. chest pains that never seems to go away but comes back when you're sad or when your loved one is sad. that is the eternal link that i have with angel and if she is at all sad it hurts me to know that she is. a lot of times in the past that i've suffered for her and its because of love that i feel tis way. i know it sounds silly but that's how it is wif angel and i.

-> but tonite i got the worst kinda of news ever... its hardly new and its something that has been on my mind since i started dating angel. its more like a reality check... guy no car... guy kenot do anything... at least right now that is how i feel in the eyes of the parent authority. not that i think that its not fair for them to think that way... i myself think that its true... as sincere as it is and as part duty of being a gentleman is to be able to take the princess out on our own chariot and not one that belongs to the kingdom. she asked me if it was right of her to tell me this (especially since she halau me from the room) and yes its right of her... i mean if i never knew how her parents really felt about this it would seem that i am taking advantage of the situation. deep down in my heart i only wanted to be with angel... not that i wanted to use her things for my own benefit.. the times i threw tantrum was never out of selfishness but out of love. but thinking realisticly... me getting a car any time soon... is like me wishing the moon and the stars everynight... i never really told angel how i felt about this situation before... a lot of nights where i can't sleep... its because of this... or something related to this... i mean i don't even need to get the hint from her parents... i myself already know it as my own responsibility as the guy. but after finding out tonite... its like priority number one if i ever want to date angel properly...

-> i don't know... my mind is just so messed up right now... i don't really know who reads our blog... some one sure does... if u dun get wat i mean here.. then maybe its meant for reading that's all.... jas... i know u drop by our blog every now and then... has it ever happened to u guys before? i mean... well at least in some same situation where parents expects more than what we can really handle at the moment... BLANK... that's how my mind is at right now... its filled with thoughts but i don't know where to start thinking so its just a BLANK. you all have been there before... u sit there... prob reading or eating halfway.. then u just have so much on your mind but its a total blank... yet we are so bothered about it that we forget wat we're doing. i sit here now writing this right not from the mind but from the heart... cos the brain now is a blank... i do wish the very best for angel... but i'm afraid that my best doesn't come that fast... maybe its just me... unfortunate that money doesn't grow on trees.


Jasmine * said...

It never happened 2 us. Different ppl have different opinions. Why worry so much when both of you are happy with what you have right now? I know a car is important and some what a neccessity in guys' dictionary... You will working after graduation ,right?that is a few months away... that time you will be able to get a car. Then angel's parents wont say anything about it anymore! :) I know what you guys are going through... It's a tough time. Everything will be A-OK! Just need time ... ;) Happy CNY Angel jie n Andrew!

Jasmine * said...

angeline jie n andrew...this is my msn addy..