Friday, December 31, 2004

painful to know...

-> its not easy when you know someone is sad because we can't be there for them. tonite after reading my angel's post i know how she feels inside. i don't reli know how to say sori to her rite now especially wif everything that is going on. its especially hard for her as she was expecting me back on the 3rd. i too was hoping to go back on the 3rd but things came up... my grandmother is sick and now all of use are on standby waiting for our parents phone call telling us to get on the next flight in or drive back to kuching. my dearest... if you are reading this now... this very moment after i finish tis... i am truely sory that i won't be there the first week back. i would love to and i want to... just that things took a sudden turn. i reli hope you do understand... i will make it up to you when i get back there my dear. it hurts me to know that you are sad and i do wish i was there now to manja u like i always had when i was around. i love you angel.... i miss you just as much as you miss me. the week is passing by fast... soon i will be back next to your heart again. i know its tough being alone but i am always wif u in spirit.... sounds familiar? hehehe... i miss u so much!

sad...

I'm so sad... knowing that he won't be able to come back on the 1st week after holidays to coll... i am reli reli very sad... but not blaming anyone ofcoz... at tis moment he is sad too n he kenot leave his hometown. But im reli sad... 1 week i have to go thru by myself... morning to coll... in class... lunch... n go back...

mmm... hope his grandma is fine lor... we r stil prayin...

haihz... so no mood now...

y tis few days i so sad 1???

Thursday, December 30, 2004

Prayers for my grandma

-> we received a call from our relatives back in kuching with reli bad news. my grandma is reli ill and diagnose with lung cancer in the advance stages already where no kemo or drugs can help. tonites post will be reli short and i ask those of you reading our blog tonite and the next couple of days to pray for my grandma and our family. pray that god gives everyone strength to carry on through this ordeal. if only my grandma was not stubborn and went to the hospital when my parents went down with all the necessary documents! if only she did maybe it could have been detected earlier and probably something be done for it... why!! why was she stubborn!!! WHY!!! i know death is a part of life but why does it have to be tis way... tonite i sit here typing this with a heavy heart. a heart where i have to be strong in front of my mom and help her through this. i sit here with tears held back and the thought of my mom and her sis crying to sleep tonite. God give me strength... to my friends who smoke i urge u to reconsider what you're doing to yourself. my grandma is suffering from lung cancer this very minute in the hospital back in kuching... reli consider what you're doin to yourself and stop smoking.... think of your loved ones around you should this happens to you. please...

~~ God give me strength ~~

prayin...god bless aj's grandma

just received msg from aj... he said his grandma is now in emergency of cancer disease... i wish i can borrow everyone's heart n pray for his grandma... i wish im now wif him... i wish i can share his sadness... he muz be very sad n scare now... my dear... im not thre wif u now but my heart is alwiz ther wif u... i hope ur grandma will be fine... will pray hard fer her... will wait fer u as well till u on9...no matter wat time...

hope to hear from u soon... hope it's good news...

God will bless her...

angel

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

im afraid...

im afraid...afraid tat i mite lost trust 2 everyone...my frens ard me i mean...i dunno how can things spread tat fast n chun!!! i find myself very stupid...reli stupid...i will not tell anyone bt my feelins again... frens kenot be trusted... "tel la tel la...i wont tel anyone 1..."...WTF!!!!!!!!!!!

im lost totally... i cannot trust anyone... except for myself... im afraid... one day...everyone ard me will betray me... i dun understand... y certain thing can be promised so easily n ended up wif nothing... i afraid... afraid of promises...

im alwiz a lamerz...im so lousy... i dare not to face avthing... y am i so stupid? i've tried... tried to be smart... i can be smart when i counsellor ppl but when it comes to myself...i can be tat blur... i mite give ppl an impression tat i pretended to be good gal in front of ppl but in fact im not... but tis is bcoz i do things too carelessly... i blurt out things too easily wiftout thinking of the consequences... n i trust ppl easily...

sumone told me b4... she said... 每个人一定会把事实告诉你,但是不会把全部事实告诉你!!!

i feel insecure now... to everyone ard me...except fer my family...

wat a way to end 2004

-> if you don't know what's been goin on ard the world especially recently in asia you've got to get ur lazy bum off the computer and watch the news... a recent earthquake off the cost of sumatra rocked and cause a 20foot tidal wave to hit several countries and a lot has died. my prayers goes out to friends and families who has relatives or friends in those affected areas. Condolences to those families who has lost loved ones.

-> now talking to my angel... so miss her... i wonder what she is thinking when i'm not around. it still surprises me that when we chat some time we finish each others sentences or think of the same thing at the same time. then we would laugh at it. i just hope that the past couple of days she's been resting well especially after that some thing which was late. haiz... scare us nia. but i do miss her and wonder what she is doin right at this very moment everyday. wat are you doing oh bebe.,... she just got her facial done today.. she wanted to punch the lady who was doin the black heads. dun play play u know.. my angel quite strong wan for a girl. skinny like crazy by super strong! i miss her... wish can see her now... just to say hi or a hug would do wonders for me...

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

tired day...

im so tired today...not really la actually but bit tired...hehe...
i finally threw away the bag!!! i put it inside my shoe box when i was cleanin my room...erm...so happy tat i finally threw it away.....hehe.....also went to facial today...wow the auntie...press my face until..........so so so so so pain!!!! but face now is clean d!!! hehehe...... hmmm.....am now waitin fer sumone 2 on9...neck tired shoulder tired mind oso tired d...2moro got 2 wake up early...it's even more tiring man~~~

Monday, December 27, 2004

It came.. it came!!

-> These past couple of days i've been worried about something and its been delayed for a couple of days and its has never done that before. then today suddenly beep beep its finally come! WOW wat a relief. Too bad i can't tell you that its all about but i'm sure one day you guys will definately go through this. I can assure you that. hehehe..

-> my angel is attending a wedding reception tonite and won't be back till later tonite i suppose since i'm all alone right now posting this. hehehe... she was telling me about the wedding pictures that her cousin took... there were these set where the groom and bride was partially naked (undies and bra) and pictures were taken like that. strange thing was my baby actually likes the idea and wants it too next time... when it comes to our turn. wow.. is that pressure or wat.. hahaha... but then mama came in and said are you crazy! no way you're going to do that.. lol... we shall see... hehe...

-> FYP IS DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!!!!!! ahhhh.. that feels so much better now that i've gotten it off my chest. hahaha... if you're wondering... we have to do a final year project as part of our degree course and i've ventured into Robotics and i am having problems limiting my research scope. hopefully these next couple of days i'll be able to make up my mind about it.

-> k lah.. i don't reli have much to post anyways... slept like a pig today.. woke up abt 11am this morning and from there my dad started really slow. not that i could reli think of anything much but my darlin... i miss her very da much and can't wait to see her... i wonder what she would be doing for this new years... my plans are indefinate yet as my whole family might want to take the trip up to KL instead of spending it over in Labuan like we used to. Hopefully the plan goes through...

missing someone

-> those of u who are reading this page and don't have simplified chinese language pack installed u will either see angel's entry as squares, question marks or garble... this is her way of hidding certain feelings or thoughts that she doesn't know how to talk to me about. she writes it in chinese! if you're wondering why am i complaining... i don't read chinese. thought she could get away then i had this website that translate chinese to english... then surprised her while chatting wif her on msn... hehehe... i can be cheeky some times. those of you having a hard time figuring it out there are a couple of translator websites out there. if you're reali interested in what it means go search on the net for translators. hehehe or get a friend to read it for you. lol... we've been chatting online since 10.30pm (26th Dec) till now... 5.12am. i know the entry says 5.06 cos tats when i started writing this. anyways... a lot has been said tonite... a lot of things that we never really talked about and i am glad that we had this chat tonite. i really miss her and i do wish i can go back to see her now... *HUGS*

Sunday, December 26, 2004

umm umm.....

今天心情有点乱乱的,好像很担心某些事情。最近觉得自己好像开始有了女人的直觉,之前我的直觉都很不准,但是最近好像很准。

这个男生,一个我从来都没想过会和他在一起的男生,竟然会令我那么的牵挂他。我真的很想念他。我们已经4天没见面了,但是感觉上好像很久没见面了。其实,思念自己的男朋友,是一种可喜兼甜蜜蜜的感觉,但这一次,我不仅是有这感觉,更多了一份忧愁感。我觉得他好像没像以前的,那样想我了。我很怀念,他追求我的那个时候。那时,就算没有谈多少天、送多少短讯,我也能感受到他对我的思念。可能,现在我真的很想念他,所以我会觉得他没那么想我。但是,我真的很害怕。。。害怕他真的是我想象中的那样,对我开始淡掉了。

今天在回家的路上,脑海里突然浮现了好多好多问题。从我和他开始,到他和我的家人,再到我和他的家人。从第一天和他在一起时,我就已经很担心我和他会相处得不好。毕竟我的英文不太好,他的华语也不棒,所以很多朋友都会说我们会好像鸡和鸭在聊天。当时,我真的很自卑,所以和他话也不多,每次都是他讲话我点头。但后来我自己想想,这些并不是我所要的恋情。所以,我宁可别人笑我差,我也要和他沟通。他也一直很努力的在学华文,让我真的很感动!!!当然,现在的我们,沟通也算是过得去了。

但是,女生永远都有烦不完的烦恼。现在,我却担心他和我家人合得来吗?我呢?和他的家人也合得来吗?他在我家人眼中,也算是过关了。那我呢?他父母亲、姐姐及弟弟对我的印象又是怎样的呢?还有他的婆婆、亲戚,又是怎样呢?第一次见到他妈妈时,我忘了和伯母打招呼,她一定会觉得我很没礼貌。至于他的爸爸,第一次和他说话,还是在他的电话上和他讲话。由于我和他交换电话sim card,不懂他的爸爸会不会对我的印象不好。他全家人的英文都说得很流利,非常流利,这对我英文那么烂的人来说是一种很大、很大的压利。如果我真的和他家人见面谈天,我一句也听不懂,一句话也说不出、不懂得回答,那我该怎么办?

女人啊。。。为什么您有那么多的时间,却不想些好的动西?而是把没有那么可怕的事想得那么可怕!!!但是。。。女人。。。她始终还是女人!

很希望。。很希望。。。他是和我一样的。。。那样想念着他的想着我。。。很希望。。。他对我的心。。。永远都不会淡。。。非常希望。。。当我们老了那时,他还是会像现在那样。。。牵着我的手,听我发唠骚,让我撒撒娇,很开心很开心的。。。过着每一天。。。

haihz??? sorry....

Rite now i'm bit happy..err...nono...not a bit...it's very happy. Why? Coz i can see him finally. I mean i can reli sit down here n chat wif him fer long hours wifout any BUSY on his side or my side. I've stated tis tat many times d no matter in blogger or in my diary or "in his diary" or sms but here i am..am goin 2 say tis once again...I've waited fer so long fer him to come on9 n why is it tat everyone can meet him on9 but not me??? hmmm...Tat's y i decided today tat i dun wan 2 miss any chance to meet him online. I "SACRIFICED" my "diet timessss" n wait fer him at home to online. I even sms'ed him but so sad...he was outside. I was thinking "it's okie, i'll wait!!!" 1st 1 hour i was still okie wif hopes tat he will come online now. An hour later my sis was back. N wat..she asked me whther im folo'in her to diet..i was thinkin shud i or not??? n my final answer is--->NO!!! So i juz sit there in front of da pc doin nothin except fer wait wait n wait. Then finally he smsed n asked me 2 wait fer him. I was so excited!!!

Ting! Ting! Ting! He came!!!!!!!!!!!! not more than few puluh minutes, he said his bro goin 2 use da phone. Wat da!!!!!!!!!! U knoe wat came 2 my mind 1st??? ---> No handphone izzit?????????? hahaha....sorry ya my sumone!!! I signed out my MSn immediately wifout any bye bye (like my little angeline gone like tat wifout any bye bye fer big angeline).

Bla Bla Bla.....Wat i wan 2 tel him is....I didnt geram or wat lor...just tat...my excited feelin juz ended up wif dissapointment...waitin fer sumone fer so long is not easy esp fer impatient ppl like me.......i wan to apologize here to my sumone coz i knoe he has his own reason to gtg lor...hmmm...n plus plus...tat time my mood oso not too good coz fish fish angeline dead lor...made me even more sad...hmmm...n when i met him on9 juz now he said his flight is on 8th...OMG........!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But im alwiz happy when i see him (real person or online or sms).........hehe.......remember tat oh!!!!!!!!!!! 1437

Saturday, December 25, 2004

Merry Christmas....

-> People around the world gets to spend this special day with their loved ones... i do too but i'm missing that special someone in my life. Things aren't so easy for the both of us right now.. especially since we're so far apart from each other. How i wished i could hug her now. would be nice! miss her baby smell... hehehe...

-> Ques.. is it strange that the current one happens to like some thing that was used before by the ex?

-> Boxing day is coming up!!! yeah presents can finally be opened! now if only my sis and bf would make their way home already. hahaha... i don't really know what i got from everyone actually but hopefully its good.. ya ya... hehehe.. wishing my angel was here...

->
angel and i was at sunway pyramid on the 17-12-04 and took part at one of the activities at there. our pic was taken and its on their website at funtastic2005.com (funtastic2005 @ iZone sunway pyramid). we played this fun-fish thing where you try to scoop up gold fish using tissue paper into your bowl and u get to keep it. here's our pic angel_drew