Sunday, August 03, 2008

I love you

In the last couple of hours I realised that it takes more than just words to show some one how much you actually love them. I realised that it takes 100% courage to step up and do what is needed to save that person's love for you. In many cases I had wished that moment of truth came later, much more later.


I have in the last two months been trying to better myself. Better myself so that I could once again maybe ask for a chance to make things right. I was given that chance and suddenly so many things happened just because of a name that showed up on phone last night. My dearest Angel, I know now what you fear most is not what she could have done or what she did but the fact that it was her name that hurt us before. I have done what I had to do and that was to choose. And i choose you. I choose to be a part of you and your life.



video

There are times where some times we forget who we are. I forgot who i was to you in your life Angel. There are times where i regret making the wrong decisions and accepting the end result when it happens. I know i have done wrong my baby.. i know i have make a lot of mistakes in our relationship. I know that when i should have listened i didn't. This old andrew has grown up, mature, a better person. That same person you loved darling.

I have stopped telling lies to my baby. I have been for the past couple of months and i have been sincere with baby. I know it happened the way it happened but it was not what you thought. I have been trying to explain to you ever since you drove off. THERE IS NO ONE ELSE MORE IMPORTANT. Yes i couldn't do it in front of you again but that was because I had already talked to her and explained to her what was going on and what i had to do and she is the one who is encouraging me to get back to you. Cos the andrew that everyone knows is not the same Andrew sitting here today with a broken heart and sad life with angel. What happened just happened and i couldnt stop it from happening but you were getting upset because of? I was trying to tell you what had happened earlier in the day and it was the truth.




Looking back in time, we've made really great memories angel. So much that it is very hard to forget what we've gone through together in the last 4 years. We've both matured and grown up in our own ways. I was unfortunately the slower one. People always told me that I deserved a girl who was a bit more mature, one that can match my attitude and character. They were wrong. You were always my perfect match and looking at the years we've been together and the pictures we've taken proves it. I know our relationship has been a tough one by far. Our differences and thoughts but we've survived 4 years together and I hope that there would be more years to come. Forever and ever babe.

There's a video clip just at the start of this. I don't know if you remember this but it was during our exams and both of us was studying in your car. Well at least you were studying where as myself i was busy with the camera taking pictures of you and capturing a video of you. In our relationship we've both watched each other grow up and changed over time. I wouldn't that up for anything darling. Not for anyone for the matter. I am here now baby... begging you. Loving you more than ever. I realised in the last two months away from each other that I was not complete. My better half and soul was not with me. The first few weeks was tough on me especially during weekends where I would usually be with you. I cried for days wishing that this was merely a dream. And when i woke up you would be there next to me with your silly grin that you have and kiss me gently on my forehead where you would tell me that it was all a dream and that I had nothing to be afraid of. But i never woke up from that dream.

I dedicated a song to you some time ago... You were always on my mind sung by Michael Buble. That song really woke me up baby and until now it holds a powerful meaning to me.

Artist: Elvis Prestley
Title: You were always on my mind

Maybe I didnt treat you
Quite as good as I should have
Maybe I didnt love you
Quite as often as I could have
Little things I should have said and done
I just never took the time

You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind

Tell me, tell me that your sweet love hasnt died
Give me, give me one more chance
To keep you satisfied, satisfied

Maybe I didnt hold you
All those lonely, lonely times
And I guess I never told you
Im so happy that youre mine
If I make you feel second best
Girl, Im sorry I was blind

You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind

Tell me, tell me that your sweet love hasnt died
Give me, give me one more chance
To keep you satisfied, satisfied

Little things I should have said and done
I just never took the time
You were always on my mind
You are always on my mind
You are always on my mind

------------------------

I have always listened to the song as if it was any other love song. You and i both agree that the power of song is the most powerful thing when used at the right time. In my years growing up i've always known this song but never understood what it really meant until we were apart. When ever I was sad and miss you a lot I would always listen to the song. To remind me of the wrong things I've done and the things i should have done when you needed me. For that i am really sorry baby. You were always on my mind, every day of my waking life you were always on my mind.

I have been putting together this video montage for you baby... its our history and life... i hope you like it. I hope we can talk soon darling. Cos we really need to talk...

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

some thing interesting

 
Your Love Style is Agape

You are a caring, kind, and selfless partner.
Unsurprisingly, your love style is the most rare.
You are willing to sacrfice your world for your sweetie.
Except it doesn't really feel like sacrifice to you.
For you, nothing feels better than giving to the one you love.


Your Bumper Sticker Should Be

Livin' in a van - down by the river

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

welcome to my world

I am not even going to start wondering why i've not been updating this blog. Sure i had plenty of time for it but i never got around to doing so. 1 word lazy. But here is a quick update anyways since i have so much time to spare now. Its MORE like waiting for 1pm so we can head out for lunch. Oh yeah this lazy bum is finally working now, Inter-Global Media (M) Sdn Bhd, as their web developer. The only web developer ;) Finally a job which pays me for doing what i do best.. programming. Its my third week in and i'm already involved with a couple of projects. But unlike my days back in APIIT where every thing that can be done last minute GETS done last minute, here its no longer ther little league. Had to force myself to get organized and for once follow the project time line. Maybe will put up a portfolio later on of some of the websites i've built from scratch in a whole new language which i was never thought back in APIIT... PHP. Heck its only one more additional language for me to learn no biggie. But i have to say this.. its way more power compared to ASP. I said compared to ASP not ASP.NET.

I just took a few pictures on my phone of some of the people i work with. Here they are... in no particular order..


Boon... editor for our community website IA-Community. Wanted to snap a picture of him looking busy but he was paying more attention to what i was doing. lolz. In the background is Michelle our assistant gm to our gm. Oh the picture is a little blur i think. I had to zoom in to take that picture.




Zairol & Wan... two of the many graphic designers working here. Unfortunately Ogee and the other girl is not around so can't snap a pic ;) Working hard huh boys... or is it porn ;)








My very empty office.. i don't normally sit where i took this picture. this is from ogee's table. if you look in the pic in the background to the right where there is a stack of things on the table. that forsaken area with 4tables is my place. its been as of late a place for them to temporarily put their next exhibition forms, printers and stuff. There used to be a table against the wall behind me where all the junk used to sit. Then the sales team moved into the office above and they took tables from out office leaving me with a huge empty space behind me. not to mention the mosquito's... see the brown down to the very back.. that's the kitchen and for some reason its a breeding ground for mosquito's...

well its 5 to 1pm.. almost time to go makan. catch up with this later on...

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

hello

wow it seems like eons since i checked back here. yes yes been busy with life and catching up with two months of lost time with angel. been back in brunei for 2mths. yes that's how long i've been away from angel. this blog won't be a long one or of any topic.. just an off random aka i am bored post. but now that i am back a lot of things to catch up on especially with the jobs. need to pick up a few more free lance projects. hehe.. any takers ;) other than that just staying alive. long story. will make the effort in the morning to snap a quick picture of things which i recently been graced with. oh planning to start a MOBLOG soon. still figuring out the best place to store the pics then post them here... would be interesting and a first for me. will see how long before i attempt this project. hahaha.. yeah lazy. oh well..

before i forget a special Good Luck to a fellow blogger and friend, Tabbie. If you're in Singapore (or you're from SG.) this weekend 4th March drop by to the NTUCO Concert @ 7.30pm, Singapore Conference Hall. Tabbie would be performing that night.

its now 10 to 3am.. i guess i should hit the sack... like i said its a short post. honestly lazy to speak my mind at the moment. have a read over at tabbie's, her blog is rather interesting filled with an insight to how she lives her life and her daily rants about stuff. cheers...

Monday, January 23, 2006

wats wrong wif me?

i really messed up big time... since our pack for 2006 we've not had any arguements of sort. i wouldn't call tonite an arguement but its bad enough. again when angel needed me to be all that i can be i failed and let her down again. i know i might sound like a girl for saying this but its really unfair that this is happening right now. i should have taken more responsibility with my own actions and i didnt step up. one side of me wants to blame the fact that i am back here in brunei for the holidays while the other blames myself for not being back in kl, by angel's side working on the task while she slept. like we always did in previous projects together. to make matters worse.. of all nights for me to feel blue and depressed none of my close friends are on to chat wif me. sorry jas if i did wake you up and leaving the messages on msn. i didn't know who else to talk to...

angel has asked me several times about my own future and what i wanted to do with myself in my life. there were several times last year we had stupid arguements about this. here i am a 25yr old guy who is scared shit about living the life that i wanted for myself. i mean yes i want a successful carrer and a loving family but it took me so long to realise that maybe i was a little scared. sure angel kicked the living shit out of me that night and it really hit me that same nite. actually it was a couple of nites after. i do know what i want in life but i am scared of dreaming it because everytime i do some thing is bound to happen and pushes me further back. i am until today still scared of my past and of it happening in my current life. it is a plague that i have to live wif maybe till after i graduate or for the rest of my life. a plague where its a constant reminder of the stupid things i did in the past. things which i shouldn't have allowed to happen which casted me out of the family circle. if you think your life is bad wait till you step into my shoes and into my memories. the things i've kept secret, the pain i've suffered.... the thoughts and reliving each moment hurts enough.

but for tonite.. i really don't know where to even start to say sorry to angel. this is the 4th or 5th time i've let her down on the same topic. it came up to the point where she said some things which really hurt. i know it was my fault and i am guilty of letting it happen. i failed her the first time when she needed me to make things right, i failed her the second time when it was a chance given... i cost her the finals.... and now i am giving her a heartattack for not, yet again, being able to complete it on time again. but tonite was really my sour luck... first all my work was not saved cos pops turned off the pc and didn't save my work... resulting to me having to re do every thing again.. then my two stupid dogs outside decided to turn adventurer and decided to escape, and it took us almost an hour to get them home again... then angel was starting to get impatient with me and really let me have it and the pressure was on yet again. i don't even know why i bothered to re do the whole thing.. maybe she was right could have settled for second best but i couldn't risk it... and in the end i affected her as well... who in the right world would cause this much problem to the girlfriend especially since she's done so much for me and given me the chance to work it at my own pace provided i get it done... i failed her... i lost her trust....

i am sorry angel i truely am... i only wished that u would believe me that i am getting just as much pressure from my parents and just being at home. i am on the loosing end here... for the first time in a long time my chest pains are starting up again... i found out that when ever i am like super sad or blue it starts.... its like a sign tat my heart is aching... i do have a heavy heart right now... a heart full of guilt....

Monday, November 28, 2005

Link updates

I was just browsing through the links and realised that the WWE tribute videos has been moved to the archive already. Here are the updated links

WWE 1 2 3

Better yet here is a search for in the archive for all the tribute videos. Slowly go through them.

Its good to be back!!!

Wow its been ages since i posted a decent update. Wondering what the screaming was about in the previous post. Hehe... just keep guessing. It was a random post anyways so it has no relations to anything with my life or angel. Well i've been MIA for almost 2 weeks i think. Not that i was ever gone but rather busy with projects. It was like FYP all over again staying up late to help them finish up their documentation and work the necessary changes into the system so it meets their accademic requirements. Really am glad that both of them were impressed with their system. Here are a two screen shots each of the systems i did for them.

Roman Rock: {project status 100%}




























On top main page of the website below it a sample when you log into the company intranet.

Tesco Smart Trolley (simulation): {project status 100%}




























On top the system loging and below it the help page of the system.

To get a better picture of what the Smart Trolley is, picture yourself at Tesco hypermarket and you're pushing around a trolley with a small monitor mounted onto the push handle. Its meant to asist you while shopping with and not have you running around looking for price checkers or wondering how much you've spent in the trolley already. I've never seen such systems implemented in Malaysia. I could be wrong though, anyone seen it before? I know in Canada they have a RFID scanner on all their products so when you remove an item from the shelf camera's around will snap a picture of you then again when you check out. Its more of a anti theft device but never of such like the smart trolley. Who knows when i have the time i might actually take the time to develop such system and join the APICTA awards then get a grant to do a prototype then see it working in reality. WOW! hehe... At least i plan to.

Both projects fully CSS customized. If you really have a nack for design and colours CSS style sheets are like your best friends.

If only both of them were in our batch and in DWA class with us. Imagine what we can come up with as a team.

Well have not had much of a chance to browse the internet let alone watch tv so there isn't any new interesting stuff at the moment. Slowly adjusting back to the normal sleeping hours which isn't all that much sleep either. Will come back again later to post up things. Still have the last project to work on. Since i'm on a high designing graphics for websites thought i'd try my hand in workin a template for this blog later on.

Kudos to the people who dropped by.

cheers...